Monday, April 2, 2018

The Myth, Burden, and Reality of the Strong Black Woman

Inevitably after I am on a panel, I think of all the things I could have/should have said. While the topic of stereotypes came up, including the one of the angry black female, I wish I have addressed the myth, burden, and reality of the strong black woman. 

Why a myth, burden, and reality? Well, it's a myth because we aren't and can't strong all the time, nor should we have to be. Also, what does strong really mean? Does it mean stoic, tough, unfeeling, able to conquer all, and/or persevering? That is a lot to take on all the time, hence, the burden. This armor, if in place, can come at the cost of one's own physical and emotional well-being and health. For some, this is an armor built over time to deal with the micro- and macro- aggressions, microinvalidations, conscious and unconscious bias one has thrown at them at any given moment of any given day. The armor is protection. The armor is so that one can keep striving. The armor is to help combat the idea born in history that you are inferior and can't achieve. The armor takes the beating of everything that comes at you so you can go on. Under that same armor is some fatigue from the years of nicks and cuts. Fatigue comes from having to educate others often. Fatigue comes from speaking your truth and then having to make someone else feel comfortable. Fatigue comes for having to not seeing yourself reflected in the most spaces and places. Fatigue comes from the road you've traveled and from witnessing what those who come after you must endure as they build their armor. You can't protect them, you can only prepare them for what they may encounter, remind them of their greatness, and make sure that they know how to take care of themselves along the way. Sometimes it's by taking a breath in order to not react. Sometimes it's by taking a time out and stepping away to focus on oneself. Sometimes it's by reacting, in private. Sometimes it's by reminding oneself that you are enough and that you've got this. Often it's by being positive and unapologetically me because it's better than the alternative. I refuse to let someone else steal my joy or try to define me. So when it comes to the idea of the strong black woman is, the reality is that I'm only two of those three descriptors all the time, while the third is situational as determined by me, not you.