Enough!

So many emotions swirl within me. At any given time, I am experiencing one or more of these emotions - sadness, fear, helplessness, disappointment, frustration, pain, fatigue. The one constant has been that I have felt beaten down and I am tired. I am tired of seeing the treatment of people who look like me. I am tired of seeing people outraged and then nothing changes as people move on with their daily lives because they can. They don’t have to carry the weight of thinking about how what they or their child looks like could put them in harms way. And then add having to wear a mask that is meant to protect you....

My fatigue comes from continuing to see these events on repeat. Loss of black life. Loss of one's humanity. People calling the police on black citizens just trying to live their lives. Treating us like we don't belong. What is it about us that does not look the part? What does it look like to belong? Can we not be birdwatchers too? When will things change? The magnitude of it all is overwhelming. I try to combat those feelings by controlling what I can control. I come from a people and parents whose strength and conviction have made change. What do I ask those of you with privilege? I ask you to step up, speak out, educate yourselves, educate your children and really take action. I will continue to educate my own child as his history is not thoroughly taught in schools. In the face of all that is going on, I have to teach him how to be safe out in the world, that his mere existence should never be viewed as a threat and to be proud of who he is as a black child.

I am saddened by history on repeat. The racial trauma and stress deepens the pain and takes its toll.

I am disappointed by the silence of some of my non-black family, friends and those I've worked with over the years. This is not a time for silence. Silence and inaction is complicity. Thank you to those who are stepping up and speaking out. Keep taking steps to do the real self work by reading, discussing, digging deep, donating, marching, acting, and voting. Please do not stop and check the box when you think the dust has settled. The work doesn't end because there is a lot to be done.

I know that while what I really want to do is curl up and take a day completely for myself, I am a mother and a principal. I know I have to show up each day despite the pain and weight of all of this because I have a job to do, but this doesn’t mean I am not mentally and emotionally drained. So in case you were really wondering, but hadn’t thought to ask, reach out or offer support - no, I’m not okay. I'm tired and hurting.

On this Mother’s Day...

Mother’s Day is one on which we honor our mothers for all that they have done for us - the love, nurturing, sacrifice, opportunities and lessons. Sometimes, we don’t even know the lessons we are learning until much later. From my mother, I learned about the power of one’s voice and strength during times of adversity. My mom has always known what she’s stood for and used her voice as a civil rights activist, as a U.S. civil servant, as a U.S. Foreign Service officer and as a black woman in so many spaces that were, at times, overtly or covertly unwelcoming. She’s never shied away from speaking up and speaking out. She has always been unapologetically herself. She knew she had a responsibility when she was in the room and at the table. She showed strength during times like 9/11 and vulnerable strength during the loss of her parents, her sister and the unexpected health event of her first son (my brother). My mother has shown me how to get back up when you’ve been knocked down.

From her mom, my mom learned strength, the importance of community, the value of education and to not anyone dim your light or make you feel small. My grandmother was not a college graduate, but she was wise, warm and no joke nonetheless.

I am the daughter of Claudia, daughter of Louise. I couldn’t be more proud to stand on the shoulders of so many amazing and strong black women.

"We can't afford to wait for the world to be equal to start feeling seen...You’ve got to find the tools within yourself to start to feel visible and to be heard and to use your voice." - Michelle Obama