Enough!

So many emotions swirl within me. At any given time, I am experiencing one or more of these emotions - sadness, fear, helplessness, disappointment, frustration, pain, fatigue. The one constant has been that I have felt beaten down and I am tired. I am tired of seeing the treatment of people who look like me. I am tired of seeing people outraged and then nothing changes as people move on with their daily lives because they can. They don’t have to carry the weight of thinking about how what they or their child looks like could put them in harms way. And then add having to wear a mask that is meant to protect you....

My fatigue comes from continuing to see these events on repeat. Loss of black life. Loss of one's humanity. People calling the police on black citizens just trying to live their lives. Treating us like we don't belong. What is it about us that does not look the part? What does it look like to belong? Can we not be birdwatchers too? When will things change? The magnitude of it all is overwhelming. I try to combat those feelings by controlling what I can control. I come from a people and parents whose strength and conviction have made change. What do I ask those of you with privilege? I ask you to step up, speak out, educate yourselves, educate your children and really take action. I will continue to educate my own child as his history is not thoroughly taught in schools. In the face of all that is going on, I have to teach him how to be safe out in the world, that his mere existence should never be viewed as a threat and to be proud of who he is as a black child.

I am saddened by history on repeat. The racial trauma and stress deepens the pain and takes its toll.

I am disappointed by the silence of some of my non-black family, friends and those I've worked with over the years. This is not a time for silence. Silence and inaction is complicity. Thank you to those who are stepping up and speaking out. Keep taking steps to do the real self work by reading, discussing, digging deep, donating, marching, acting, and voting. Please do not stop and check the box when you think the dust has settled. The work doesn't end because there is a lot to be done.

I know that while what I really want to do is curl up and take a day completely for myself, I am a mother and a principal. I know I have to show up each day despite the pain and weight of all of this because I have a job to do, but this doesn’t mean I am not mentally and emotionally drained. So in case you were really wondering, but hadn’t thought to ask, reach out or offer support - no, I’m not okay. I'm tired and hurting.