How Diana, Nancy, and Anne shaped who I am

We all have those people in our lives we look up to, who inspire us, and who push us to be better than we were the day before. So when asked who has had an influence on your life, one may mention a parent, grandparent, teacher, boss, friend and the like. But what if some of the people who shaped you weren't real?

No, I do not live in a fantasy world and definitely know the difference between reality and make believe, but truth be told some of my influencers live within the pages of books. So, let me clarify exactly what I mean. When I think about some of the people who have influenced me when I was growing up I immediately think of Diana Prince, Nancy Drew, and Anne Shirley of Green Gables. While these women and I don't have much in common, I was still drawn to who they were, what they represented, and what they inspired in me.

The Amazon Warrior 
Diana Prince aka Wonder Woman, simply put, is a badass. She had pretty cool accessories- the bracelets, invisible plane, and, of course, the truth lasso. However, it's not just the accessories, it's her. She had such presence when she entered a space. She was smart, strong, confident, and fierce.

The Teen Sleuth
Nancy Drew is your everyday girl whose curiosity, ingenuity, resourcefulness, and true blue friends help her solve mysteries. Growing up it was hard not to be drawn to Nancy Drew and her adventurous nature. At the time I encountered Nancy Drew, I was on my own adventure living overseas for the first time at age 7 years old. While there were no secret passage ways or cases to solve where I was, there were lots of mysteries and things to be curious about.

The Kindred Spirit
Anne of Green Gables owned her story and embraced who she was. She refused to play small and went after her dreams. She also had a wonderful imagination, energy, confidence and strength that was admirable. The other thing about Anne is that she wasn't perfect and made mistakes along the way. However, her teacher Ms. Stacy's advice has always stuck with me, "tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet."

What all three of these characters shared was a strong sense of self, fierce independence, unwavering loyalty to loved ones, and a willingness to put oneself out there for what they believe in. It's not hard to see why a little girl like me would look up to these three.

p.s. In case you were concerned about my being influenced by fictional heroines, don't worry as future posts will feature real people who have also inspired me. 

My Friday Five: Transferable Skills

So we all know that there is no manual to this whole parenthood thing. Just when you think you've figured something out, the rules change and you have to figure it out. So this week's (late) Friday Five is about the transferable skills I have to pull from in my dean life to apply to my mom life.

Asking the Right Questions                                      
Sometimes we have to ask the right questions to get the heart of the matter. Most Mondays I receive an email about my son's behavior in music class, which often results in a lecture from me on the car ride home. So, it took me a while before I figured out that I was not asking the right question. What was the difference between last year's music class and this year's class? Well, that opened the door. His current music class is only singing and in past music classes there's been singing, movement, and interacting with instruments. We talk about encouraging our students to self-advocate and share feedback. So, that's what my son is doing. In his apology note for his behavior, he's also share those elements of past music classes that have helped him be more engaged.

Don't Ask a Question for Which You Know the Answer      
My son ate a whole container of cookies and cream ice cream. SMH. I grabbed the container from the freezer to give him a scoop for dessert and it was pretty empty despite having only been opened two days before. So instead of asking if he did it (neither my husband or I eat ice cream), I said "So, you've been sneaking ice cream outside of desert time, haven't you?"  To which he responded, "yessss" with slouchy shoulders and lowered eyes. No need to set him up to lie, instead I thanked him for his honesty, told him I appreciate it, and then told him he wouldn't be getting dessert for a couple of weeks.

The Meat of the Report Card
When I work with my students, I try to get them to see past the grade in order to get to the meat of the report cards, teacher comments. Recently, I had to do the same with my son who was happy with his M and P marks (no I's), but neglected to read the feedback. So, of course, I made him read it and share with me the themes of what's gone well (and why) and what could be better. Armed with this information, we have something to work with and information to help us come up with some strategies to address some of the areas of growth.

The Message and the Lesson 
Looking for the message and lesson in what we're watching. My son has been watching Full House, Fuller House, and Alex and Ally. So yes, he extracts bits of aspiration from these shows like wanting to be an exterminator for a minute like Uncle Jesse or developing an interest in going to Harvard. Once we get past some of that, we also get to talk about some of the episodic lessons about impact of choices, what it means to be there for someone, cancer, friendship, family, etc. In short, we unpack episodes aslessons in empathy.

The Real Learning
We talk about representation and how you can't be what you can't see. So having my son see 9 year old Yolanda Renee King speak at the March for our Lives in Washington DC shows him that you are never to young use the voice you have. So together we are listening and processing the speeches and moments taking place at the rally's across the country and world. My son's asking good questions as he seeks to understand. So while we may not be at a march, we are with them. Like all of our students, he has the power to change the world around him.

Setting My Mind For The Day

Making the home (or spring break) to school transition can be a bit jarring, so it's important for me to set my mind right for the school day each morning. So like so many people, I have an office morning routine to get me ready for whatever or whoever walks through my door that day.

I've always been an early bird (so it's no surprise that my 9 year old is up and raring to go at 6:30 am each morning). Being an early bird means I like to get to work before others arrive. I enjoy the quiet hum of the office, the calm before any potential storms, and to listen to a podcast episode or, if the mood strikes me, to crank up my music to pump some energy into my day.

Of course, my morning is not complete unless I've poured my English Breakfast tea. While colleagues and students are often surprised that I have never consumed coffee in my life, especially with the energy I bring to my day, tea will always be my go to morning beverage of choice. 

Perhaps you do something different to get your mind ready for the day. A morning workout? A cup of coffee? A ride in to work while listening to NPR? Whatever it is, make it your own. Morning routines should be personalized so they make sense for that individual. My morning may look different than yours, but these seemingly simple parts of my routine make a world of difference in getting me ready for when the 8:30am school bell rings. 

My Friday Five: 2018 NAIS Annual Conference

Introducing a new weekly blog feature where I'll share five moments, observations, experiences, or lessons from the week that inspired me, taught me, or for which I thankful. Please enjoy my first Friday Five.

So a week ago, I traveled to Atlanta for this year's National Association of Independent School's Annual Conference. While it was a relatively quick 33 hours on the ground, I walked away with some nuggets of inspirations and food for further thoughts. In this edition of My Friday Five, I wanted to share the five (of many) takeaways that stuck with me.


1. Students have to connect emotionally before any learning can happen. - Daisy Pellant, Breck School
This PechaKucha presentation (20 images x 20 seconds) delivered by The Breck School's Daisy Pellant, Director of the Peter Clark Center for Mind, Brain, and Education really got to the heart of what students need to learn. Students need an emotional connection. They need to know we care, that we believe they can do it, and that we're invested in who they are and in their potential for success.

2. Leadership is a behavior, not a position. Practice leadership is all aspects of your life so that when you do get a position, you are ready to behave as a leader. - Pearl Rock Kane, Klingenstein Center for Independent School Leadership
This quote really resonated with me as a school leader, but also as someone who works with aspiring student leaders. There is this bad trend for some students to try to rack up the leadership titles at school in the belief that this will help them in their college process. This can result in breath, but not depth. Let's get back to doing fewer things and doing them well. Also, we need to help students redefine what it means to be a leader. Just because you have a title, it does not make you a leader and not having a title doesn't mean that you aren't a leader. We need to help students learn to lead themselves first and to lead in all aspects of their life. They need to hone their leadership behavior first. This can look like a student speaking up against a wrongdoing, standing up for someone else, leading a discussion in class, and being a committed community service participant. It's about helping without being asked, having integrity, doing the right thing even when no one else is watching, being kind, showing up to class on time, or sitting with someone at lunch that you've never spoken to before. Let's help students focus more on leading with their actions, words, and post and less on titles.

3. “Listening as a storyteller requires you to empathize but also asks you to be a learner....How did you get here? What did your journey teach you? -  Sisonke Msimang, The Centre for Stories 
Everyone has a story and by listening to one's story we learn more about who they are, the oath they traveled, and those moments in their life that have truly shaped and influenced them. These stories may be humorous or challenging. They may have left us with lessons and helped us grown. They could just be simple moments of meaning, healing, and nostalgia. We are our stories.

                    Photo courtesy of @kawai_lai @naisnetwork 

4. Empower and Equip Students. Focus on the Do's, instead of the don't(s) - The Social Institute and Ravenscroft School 
Our students have sat through assembly after assembly about the evils of social media. So hearing about what the work The Social Media Institute was refreshing. It's time to reframe our approaches to talking about social media and teach students about the do's when it comes to social media. They aim to work with schools to "equip and empower" students. We should be working with students to become social leaders and to use social media positively and as a tool, not just as a toy.

5. Women are hired and promoted on what they've accomplished, while men are hired and promoted based on potential. - The Pathway to Leadership: Stories and Strategies from Women and People of Color Panel
There's research out there that focuses on how many women will make sure they have every credentialed box checked off before applying for that next level job or promotion, but many men will just go for it with less boxes checked. This research and the above quote are the things make you pause and reflect on how you may be holding yourself back or getting in your own way. Self-awareness is the first step in combatting that inner critic or inner narrative you have going on. Instead of why me, ask why not me? One of the stats that the panelists shared was that there are only approximately 7% heads of schools of color and I suspect that the percentage of female heads of color is even less. While this stat could be discouraging to some, I actually believe it should be a motivator to push even more to help move that needle.

          Photo courtesy of @mtsapatsaris

It's A Small World After All

I've always felt very fortunate to have had the opportunity to live overseas during my elementary through middle school years and to attend boarding school. Both of these experiences allowed me to meet people from literally all over the world. A lot of my perceptions about various countries and cultures are mostly based on my interaction with peers from all around the world and not on what I see on the news.
Often the world seems so vast and over time we lose touch with people, wonder what they've been up to, and perhaps are only connected to them by way of social media. However, as large as the world is, sometimes we are reminded just how small it is as well.
It's A Small World #1
Recently, I received a call from an old friend from my days in Nigeria. There I sat at my desk listening to a message (with my mouth open) as I heard a voice from the past, the 4th grade past.  You know a school experience is long lasting when you get a call from an American International School of Lagos friend you haven't seen in thirty-one years. Let me also share that I have very vivid memories of my time in Nigeria. I remember friends, teachers, four-square, first dances, and the like. These are the experiences in life that stick with you when you are living in a country that is not your own. So why the call from my old friend? He wanted to let me know that a young man he knows is considering attending the school I work at and that if he comes, I'd be his dean. Small World! It was really great catching up Byron after all these years! Let's just say we had a lot of years to cram into our call, but it was fun to learn about each others journey since Lagos. This random moment of reconnection is a reminder of how shared experiences really can bond people for life. #AIS4life


It's A Small World #2
So the blast from the past, it's a small world did not just stop with reconnecting with my 4th grade friend. At the end of that same weekend, I had an "it's a small world in boarding schools" moment when I saw a photo of my East Dorm adult from my first two years as a student at the Madeira School on a colleague's Facebook page. What was the connection? After some serious scrolling and connecting the dots, it turns out that my current colleague is the granddaughter of my house adult Sam King who would have been 93 years old that Sunday. Mind blown. I couldn't wait to see my colleague at lunch the next day and, of course, her first question was "Why did you like a picture on my grandmother on Facebook?" So I told her. It was so fun to share my memories of Sam with her granddaughter. It also reminded me of what I learned from Ms. King which was that you can be tough and hold students to high standards when it comes to behavior, while caring deeply about them and who they will become.

The world is smaller than we think, so treasure each moment, remember than you can learn something from everyone and every experience, and be mindful of how you treat people because there's always a chance that your paths will cross again.