So we all know that there is no manual to this whole parenthood thing. Just when you think you've figured something out, the rules change and you have to figure it out. So this week's (late) Friday Five is about the transferable skills I have to pull from in my dean life to apply to my mom life.
Asking the Right Questions
Sometimes we have to ask the right questions to get the heart of the matter. Most Mondays I receive an email about my son's behavior in music class, which often results in a lecture from me on the car ride home. So, it took me a while before I figured out that I was not asking the right question. What was the difference between last year's music class and this year's class? Well, that opened the door. His current music class is only singing and in past music classes there's been singing, movement, and interacting with instruments. We talk about encouraging our students to self-advocate and share feedback. So, that's what my son is doing. In his apology note for his behavior, he's also share those elements of past music classes that have helped him be more engaged.
Don't Ask a Question for Which You Know the Answer
My son ate a whole container of cookies and cream ice cream. SMH. I grabbed the container from the freezer to give him a scoop for dessert and it was pretty empty despite having only been opened two days before. So instead of asking if he did it (neither my husband or I eat ice cream), I said "So, you've been sneaking ice cream outside of desert time, haven't you?" To which he responded, "yessss" with slouchy shoulders and lowered eyes. No need to set him up to lie, instead I thanked him for his honesty, told him I appreciate it, and then told him he wouldn't be getting dessert for a couple of weeks.
The Meat of the Report Card
When I work with my students, I try to get them to see past the grade in order to get to the meat of the report cards, teacher comments. Recently, I had to do the same with my son who was happy with his M and P marks (no I's), but neglected to read the feedback. So, of course, I made him read it and share with me the themes of what's gone well (and why) and what could be better. Armed with this information, we have something to work with and information to help us come up with some strategies to address some of the areas of growth.
The Message and the Lesson
Looking for the message and lesson in what we're watching. My son has been watching Full House, Fuller House, and Alex and Ally. So yes, he extracts bits of aspiration from these shows like wanting to be an exterminator for a minute like Uncle Jesse or developing an interest in going to Harvard. Once we get past some of that, we also get to talk about some of the episodic lessons about impact of choices, what it means to be there for someone, cancer, friendship, family, etc. In short, we unpack episodes aslessons in empathy.
The Real Learning
We talk about representation and how you can't be what you can't see. So having my son see 9 year old Yolanda Renee King speak at the March for our Lives in Washington DC shows him that you are never to young use the voice you have. So together we are listening and processing the speeches and moments taking place at the rally's across the country and world. My son's asking good questions as he seeks to understand. So while we may not be at a march, we are with them. Like all of our students, he has the power to change the world around him.
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