In memory of my fabulous Aunt Shelly

Time and time again we are all reminded about how important it is to tell those we love and who've been influential in lives just how much they mean to us because life is too short. This couldn't be more true. This past Friday, August 2, 2019 we lost the more beautiful soul as my Aunt Shelly was called home. Six years ago I partook in SoulPancake's experiment in gratitude by writing and sharing the those sentiments with someone who had been really influential in my life - my aunt. Below are the words I had the privilege of being able to share with my aunt at the time so she would know just how special she was to all of us. While I don't know a world without her and miss her already, I know she's up in heaven singing with the angels, cooking up a storm, and amplifying the love. Rest in peace Aunt Shelly. Thank you for all of your love and for living your life authentically and on your terms. Your life and legacy is a gift to us all.

Often when asked to write about someone who has influenced me, I write about my mother or speak about my parents’ impact on who I am. However, when I think about those individuals who have truly shaped the person I am today, I have to also think about my mom’s sister, my Aunt Shelly. My aunt is one of the most amazing, generous, strong people I know. What makes her amazing has nothing to do with a resume list of accomplishments. What makes Aunt Shelly amazing is her heart. She is ridiculously generous in every aspect of her life. 

 Growing up as a Foreign Service kid meant that after every country I lived in a sibling left to attend boarding high school in the States. So while I left the States at six years old, I returned to the States at 13 years old and was the third Anyaso sibling to do so. My aunt served as each of our guardians and actually she was more than a "guardian", she was our second mother. She did the move ins, move outs, took us on weekends, took us during every major school break, brought me to the hospital for my hernia surgery when I was 15 years old, and came to our schools anytime the school called, which was a lot for my older brother who kept making poor decisions while at boarding school. My favorite memories from high school have to do with the time I spent with aunt and the random, fun stuff we did. I also think about how my aunt, a single mother not only took care of her sister’s three children, but also served as the caretaker for my grandfather who was bedridden due to two strokes and a cousin who was bedridden due to Multiple Sclerosis. Aunt Shelly also took care of my grandmother before she passed away, took in my older cousin when they decided to move from New York to Baltimore and for a few weeks every summer she also had my younger brother who was back in the States for summer vacation. There was one summer when there were nine of us living in a very modest home and had the best time together.  

 Even now as my aunt waits on the organ donor list for a kidney, her spirits are high, love overflowing, and she is still the best cook around. I don’t think any of us have told her thank you enough or told her just how much she has influenced who we are. Often people are asked "what does success look like". For me, success looks like my Aunt Shelly – an amazing, generous, and kind woman who loves her family and who makes the lives of everyone around her better - and I truly hope that I can be half the woman that she is.

Endings...

Endings are weird. You’re excited and people want to make sure that you’re appropriately sad to move. You’re nostalgically sad as you prepare to move on and people want to make sure you’re excited.

You think back on moments from your tenure - the funny, the sad, the frustrating, the ridiculous, and the real. You think about all the lessons you learn from your wins, from your "that could have gone better" moments, and from your flops.

As I pack up my books and dust the shelves, I think about how particular readings helped me serve different students. As I take down my photos, quotes, and artifacts, the office becomes a little less mine as I get it ready for it’s next owner. As I throw away the papers and items that I held on to for too long and have’t referenced in a while, I remember that I don’t need to hold on to everything as I move on. It’s the lessons, laughter, memories, and the people that I carry with me. Every place I have lived and worked is a part of who I am and has shaped me.

The Last Chapel Talk of 2019

As some of you know, at the beginning of the school year my older brother had a medical emergency. He’s been fighting his life this whole year, but we're not sure how much longer he'll be with us so they are just trying to make him as comfortable as possible. Through this I wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to be there for you in the way that I would want to be or that you would need me to be while dealing with this family situation and my own pain. From the beginning, I knew the year was going to be a long one. 

My one word for 2019 was believe. When I chose it, I was thinking about how I had needed to believe in myself and believe in whatever plan there was for my brother, but as we got further into the school year I knew it was also about believing in you, your ability to travel your W, and that everything happens for a reason. One of your classmates made a passing comment about why am I always given the, let’s say, complex classes. The truth is I believe I was meant to have you as my last Loomis class. There are so many stories in this room and many of you have dealt with your own personal challenges that were about so much more than grades and scores. I’m sure some of you think that you frustrate me and I’m not going to say that there weren’t any frustrating moments in our time together, because there were. There always are. However, what you should know is that more than anything, you inspired me. You’re fighters and survivors. I don’t claim to know all the ups, downs, wins, losses, and struggles you faced this year, but for the ones I do know I saw your strength as you navigated through it and put one foot in front of the other as you took it day by day. I saw you make lemonade out of lemons, laugh, shine, and keeping standing up. You were meant to be my last class so that I could see you tackle each day despite whatever was going on and then I could do the same. 

Last year I subjected you to my reading of the poem The Dash. There was line in the poem that said, “For it matters not, how much we own, the cars… the house… the cash. What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.” I hope this experience is one you can be proud of and not one in which you spent seeing as a means to an end. I hope what you did here mattered in big and little ways. So, embrace the end and this final week on the island. Enjoy closing up this chapter of your journey. I hope you will make the most of wherever you are off to next. Do not wish that time away and do not see it as just another box to check. Make sure you pause along the way to take it all in, enjoy and learn from it. I wish the best for each of you and hope that you will always strive to be the best you you can be. I hope that you will always take care of yourself - mind, body, and spirit. While I don’t know if our paths will cross again know that I’m out there rooting for you and that you can always reach out. I am so glad that we had this time together. It has been an honor and privilege to serve as your Dean. I love you. 

** final remarks to the Loomis Chaffee Class of 2019 at the last class meeting on May 17, 2019

                      Opening Dance Sept. 22, 2018             Graduation Day - May 26, 2019

Hello 2019!

While today is the official first day of the new year, I really see it as the transition day before the real kick off to the new year. Many of us return to work tomorrow and for the most part we'll all be jumping right back in.

So today we laze about, consider our goals for the year, and get ready to act on them tomorrow. Like everyone else, I have some goals in all the big categories - family/relationships, health, financial, professional development, personal development, and, of course, my yearly book goal (42 books in 2019). However, my inspiration to write this post is not about sharing my resolutions or presenting big, lofty goals. This is more of me keeping it real and speaking it into my new year. Bring on the 365 stories and opportunities that will fill the pages of my book.

So what do I want in 2019?

• To keep exploring and stay curious
• Embrace big and small adventures 
• Learn from the difficult  
• Try some new things 
• Fail (okay, truth be told I don't really want to fail or have things not go my way, but I can accept that it will happen more than once this year and there is growth in that)
• Know when to ask for help
• Love up on my family 
• Be there for my students
• Make time for what's important 
• Remember that silence is not always golden and we must speak up when it matters
• Spread the positive
• Be at peace with being an imperfect parent who's trying and leading with love. 
• Never lose sight of who I am 
• Strive to improve and grow every day
• Don't let anyone limit or define me
• Know that I am enough
• Slay

And to wholeheartedly embrace my one word for 2019 in all aspects of my life.

Until Next Year PoCC....

On the eve of my re-entry after PoCC, I write my final conference post. First of all, thank you PoCC family for a wonderful reunion, for filling my bucket, and for continuing to breathe life into me. I drew so much knowledge, energy, and inspiration from our days together. We often talk about the importance of self-care and let me tell you, coming to PoCC is Self-care with a capital S. As a parent, I try to help my son understand the difference between needs and wants. PoCC is a need. It helps recharge the batteries and centers me in a way that allows me to keep doing the work.

Now that we are all returning to our schools, we must continue to think about how we can help move our schools forward in their diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) efforts. Now, let me clarify that this charge is not the sole responsibility of the educators from marginalized backgrounds. We need everyone invested in the work. The help we can offer is by sharing our truths, our experiences, and our lens. We need to be, as Marian Wright Edelman said, "strategic fleas and good pests" when it comes to diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) work. So what can schools start (or continue doing)?

Schools can:

• Look in the mirror at themselves and say, how can we do better? And then start doing better. 
• Dedicate institutional resources to this work (i.e. time, money, space). Priorities are shown by where we put our resources.
• Demonstrate the administration's support by moving from the opt-in DEI professional development to a mandatory model which means whole school accountability. 
• Knowing that students who experience a true sense of belonging in their school communities have positive social and academic outcomes means questioning what in our schools inhibits students' sense of belonging. We need to make sure we are intentional about fostering a sense of belonging for each student. (NMH's Stephanie Harris and Thérèse Collins session gave us the definition of belonging as "a sense of community and acceptance a student feels in school". Brené Brown states "fitting in is about being accepted for being like everyone else, belonging is about being accepted for being yourself.")
• And to quote Dr. Hill in his closing keynote speech, schools need to know that "it is nothing for us to have a inclusive community aesthetically and demographically if the core of the institution still looks the same."

Finally, in our final affinity group session, we were asked to think about what kindness we need to show to ourselves and what kindness can we ask others to do for us.

Me to Me

• Just breathe
• Make sure to prioritize my needs (i.e. put on my oxygen mask first)

Kindness others can do for me

• Please do the work to educate yourselves. There are plenty of really helpful articles, books, podcasts, videos, professional development opportunities. We use these types of resources when honing our craft in our academic disciplines so we can grow our knowledge, strengthen our practice, and address our gaps. The same approach works when it comes to DEI work. 
• Go from ally to accomplice. What that means is "an ally will mostly engage in activism by standing with an individual or group in a marginalized community. An accomplice will focus more on dismantling the structures that oppress that individual or group--and such work will be directed by the stakeholders in the marginalized group." (Colleen Clemens, "Ally or Accomplice: The Language of Activism" Teaching Tolerance, June 5, 2017, https://bit.ly/2Sqrnmm)
• See me

Looking forward to reuniting with everyone next year in Seattle for PoCC 2019! Until then, be a powerful force for positive change and keep keeping it real.

The Power of Words at POCC

I have a confession.

While I meant every word of my first blog post of the conference, I wasn't necessarily feeling my own words. It actually took walking into the Grand Ballroom for the POCC opening ceremony for the emotion of my words to hit me. The true beauty of our family reunion POCC moved me to tears. The energy and excitement of the 6300+ POCC and SDLC attendees was palpable as we all geared up to do the work. The Tennessee State University Aristocrats of Band had everyone up on their feet as they brought down the house with their performance.

The Aristocrats of Bands' performance was only the start of something great. More greatness came as speakers dropped some serious gems on us.

Gems dropped...
"Allow students to keep shaping and shaking our school communities." - Donna Orem

"Reclaim our time, talent, treasure, and testimony." - Collinus Newsome

"We came here to be fortified, so we can go back and do the work we need to do." - Rodney Glasgow

"Now that you know, you can't pretend that you don't." - Lisa Ling sharing Oprah's advice to her

When people give us gems, we can't just sit back and admire them. We must string them together to create something new, powerful, and beautiful. Words can stay words if we let them, but what a waste that would be. We need to use these words and so many others that we hear throughout the day to fuel action and inspire change in our schools.

So my POCC family, what will you do with all the gems you hear?

POCC - A Family Reunion

On the eve of the official launch of POCC, I can't help but feel like I've just arrived at a family reunion. The family reunion you have when you have a ginormous family and you're happy to see everyone.

After not being able to attend POCC the past two years, I couldn't wait to finally make my return. For me, POCC is about the people, the amazing energy, the connecting, and the reconnecting. POCC is personal and professional development. It's a place where we can refill our buckets. Many of us may be one of a few people of color (or the only) at our schools and that can take a toll. When I come to POCC, it's like reuniting with family. I get to walk into spaces filled with a sea of beautiful black and brown faces and I belong.

Over the next few days, Nashville's Music City Center will be home to welcome hugs, hearty laughter, old friends catching up, new friendships being built, deep conversations, knowledge sharing, and lots and lots of real talk. The learning, affirmation, inspiration, fellowship, and ability to be unapologetically yourself feeds the soul.

Throughout the conference, I'll be blogging about my experience, sharing my reflections, and bringing you along with me to my POCC family reunion.