Shredding Down Memory Lane

Sometimes you get to that stopping point after you have moved a lot and realize that you really need to get rid of things that have been being shuffled from one place to another. Well, that is where I found myself this morning as I sat in my Diva Den surrounded by piles of papers awaiting a good shredding. It was way past due and there were quite a few things that were past the seven year mark. So, no time like the present to dive right in.

Bit by bit I waded through the see of my history. A copy of my birth certificate with the first information about who I was and the name with which I came into the world. I found my first three apartment lease agreements (and wow, was rent cheap back in the beginning). Following college, I moved from Charlottesville to Bristol, CT and lived in three places in three years; the first two places were sold right from under me forcing me to move. Third time was a charm when I moved into a place that wasn't going to be sold - an apartment next to the laundry room in a multilevel brick building. After that, I found the purchase papers I signed with my now husband for our first house. This discovery was followed by our next lease for the townhome we rented when we moved to Virginia. And the hits just kept coming with a slew of business cards, expired membership cards, tax returns and the draft of the first letter I wrote to my now in-laws introducing myself as their son's new girlfriend. That was not an easy letter to write for all the reasons those close to us know. 

 In those piles of papers was about twenty-seven years worth of sheet by sheet memories. It's wild that it's been that long and, yet, as I was sifting through the pile it felt like so much of it happened just yesterday. 27 years, 12 residences, 5 workplaces, 4 states, almost 16 years of marriage, 1 kid, student loan documents, daycare to middle school forms, and 2 large bag of confetti memories on which to build new ones.

"Thanks"giving 2021

Well, it’s been a year filled with ups, downs, all arounds and definitely some exhaustion. With that said, there is still a lot to be thankful for.  

I am thankful for the family I was born into and the one I created. My history and heritage has shaped who I am. I am my ancestors' wildest dreams.  

I am thankful for all the years I had with my big brother. I miss him every day.  

I am thankful for the friends who been in my life for a season and the ones who are like family. Thanks for being along the journey with me.  

I am thankful for a career that challenges and fulfills me. Every day it gives me an opportunity to stretch and grow while investing in the development of young people.  

I am thankful for my colleagues and students - past and present. I have learned so much from you all.  

I am thankful for the experiences I have had in my life that have contributed to a full life.  I am thankful for all the times I have stepped out of my comfort zone or just went for it. So many lessons learned through those journeys.  

I am thankful for Novembers and each birthday I have on this earth.  

I am thankful for my favorite foods that brings me a lot of comfort and always make me feel like I’m home with family - mac-n-cheese, MD steamed crabs, air popped popcorn, sweet potato pie (just to name a few). I am also thankful for my morning English Breakfast tea that gets each day started in just the right way.  

I am thankful for downtime that allows me to rest, relax and recharge.  

I am thankful for books that entertain and educate. I am thankful for my tv shows and movies that allow me to immerse myself in the stories of others.  

I am thankful for connection and community, including my SoMi Jack and Jill mothers, the Alpha Kappa Alpha sisterhood and for my PDO Spring '21 line sisters. 

May each day ahead be filled with love, laughter, friendship, family, healing and peace. Here’s to a blessed holiday season and to all the unexpected joys that lay ahead. 

Since I was 3, We've Been 4

Since I was three years old, we've always been a quartet of Anyaso siblings led by our big brother Vincent. There is an eight year difference between my oldest brother and my baby brother. I hold the third spot on our squad (3rd oldest or 2nd youngest depending on how you see it). Vincent's leadership of our squad was by no means traditional. No, he led by showing us what not to do. 

• Don't ride your bike so fast down the alley hill that you scare your siblings. 
  
• Don't drive the family Volvo station wagon into your neighbor's (aka mother's colleague) cinderblock wall when you're 14 years old. 
• Don't be held accountable so much by your high school that your aunt could have driven cross country with all the miles she put on her car driving to your school (Thanks SSFS for letting him graduate)
• Don't have the best freshman college year socially, but consider doing the work as optional. 

However, on second thought, perhaps Vincent wasn't just showing us what not to do, but how to do it in your own way in your own time. 

• Sometimes you have to enjoy being a kid and the rush of flying down the bike on your bike
• When driving, it's important to slow down before you take that turn and being able to drive stick shift will come in handy. 
• When you push, you learn how far you can take it and who believes in you no matter what. 
• Not everyone is ready to go to college immediately after high school. Perhaps a career in the U.S. Marine Corps is a better education so that when you are ready, you will not only finish college, but go to law school and be the valedictory speaker at your law school graduation. 

To say the last three years have been hard is an understatement. My six days sitting with him in the hospital in 2018, included talking to him, playing music, reading the paper to him, and hoping that while he could not communicate with me, perhaps he could still hear me and maybe he’d just wake up. I spent so many days going and praying. It’s been over three years since I’ve heard his voice, his laugh, or his "what’s happening’? What’s crackin’.

There is so much that’s happened in my life the past three years that he doesn’t even know, but of which he would be so proud. We often talked about the ways in which we were alike, such as our committment to our family, investment in our careers or even the way we stay in touch with people over the years and across continents. Now to be honest, we were more different than we were alike, but as we got older it’s the similarities that seem to resonate more. As someone who liked to do things on his own terms and in his own way, it only seems fitting that today, Veteran's Day, was his last day on this earth; a day that meant a lot to him. He loved and served his country, his Marine Corps, and, most of all, his family. I miss my big brother. While he’s no longer with us on this earth, I know he and my Aunt Shelly are watching over us. Rest in Peace and in Power, GySgt Vincent Chiedum Anyaso, JD. Semper Fidelis!

Enough!

So many emotions swirl within me. At any given time, I am experiencing one or more of these emotions - sadness, fear, helplessness, disappointment, frustration, pain, fatigue. The one constant has been that I have felt beaten down and I am tired. I am tired of seeing the treatment of people who look like me. I am tired of seeing people outraged and then nothing changes as people move on with their daily lives because they can. They don’t have to carry the weight of thinking about how what they or their child looks like could put them in harms way. And then add having to wear a mask that is meant to protect you....

My fatigue comes from continuing to see these events on repeat. Loss of black life. Loss of one's humanity. People calling the police on black citizens just trying to live their lives. Treating us like we don't belong. What is it about us that does not look the part? What does it look like to belong? Can we not be birdwatchers too? When will things change? The magnitude of it all is overwhelming. I try to combat those feelings by controlling what I can control. I come from a people and parents whose strength and conviction have made change. What do I ask those of you with privilege? I ask you to step up, speak out, educate yourselves, educate your children and really take action. I will continue to educate my own child as his history is not thoroughly taught in schools. In the face of all that is going on, I have to teach him how to be safe out in the world, that his mere existence should never be viewed as a threat and to be proud of who he is as a black child.

I am saddened by history on repeat. The racial trauma and stress deepens the pain and takes its toll.

I am disappointed by the silence of some of my non-black family, friends and those I've worked with over the years. This is not a time for silence. Silence and inaction is complicity. Thank you to those who are stepping up and speaking out. Keep taking steps to do the real self work by reading, discussing, digging deep, donating, marching, acting, and voting. Please do not stop and check the box when you think the dust has settled. The work doesn't end because there is a lot to be done.

I know that while what I really want to do is curl up and take a day completely for myself, I am a mother and a principal. I know I have to show up each day despite the pain and weight of all of this because I have a job to do, but this doesn’t mean I am not mentally and emotionally drained. So in case you were really wondering, but hadn’t thought to ask, reach out or offer support - no, I’m not okay. I'm tired and hurting.

On this Mother’s Day...

Mother’s Day is one on which we honor our mothers for all that they have done for us - the love, nurturing, sacrifice, opportunities and lessons. Sometimes, we don’t even know the lessons we are learning until much later. From my mother, I learned about the power of one’s voice and strength during times of adversity. My mom has always known what she’s stood for and used her voice as a civil rights activist, as a U.S. civil servant, as a U.S. Foreign Service officer and as a black woman in so many spaces that were, at times, overtly or covertly unwelcoming. She’s never shied away from speaking up and speaking out. She has always been unapologetically herself. She knew she had a responsibility when she was in the room and at the table. She showed strength during times like 9/11 and vulnerable strength during the loss of her parents, her sister and the unexpected health event of her first son (my brother). My mother has shown me how to get back up when you’ve been knocked down.

From her mom, my mom learned strength, the importance of community, the value of education and to not anyone dim your light or make you feel small. My grandmother was not a college graduate, but she was wise, warm and no joke nonetheless.

I am the daughter of Claudia, daughter of Louise. I couldn’t be more proud to stand on the shoulders of so many amazing and strong black women.

"We can't afford to wait for the world to be equal to start feeling seen...You’ve got to find the tools within yourself to start to feel visible and to be heard and to use your voice." - Michelle Obama

Say a prayer...

"Please say a prayer for my dad who has to go to work every day."

I overheard my son say this to his classmates during Sacred Studies class yesterday. It was the first time I had heard my son express concern or a need for support during this global pandemic we are all living through. 

During our shared work and school from home time, we’ve been having lots of conversations. We cover a range of topics from memes to school to Coronavirus. Early on when we talked about COVID-19, he shared that he’s doing alright and not worried about getting gravely ill because of his age. We also talked about missing school and friends. We’ve talked about the economic impact this situation is having on people and families. We’ve talked about the discriminatory way some people have been treating those of Asian heritage. We’ve talked about our family members who work in the health care field and those who are more vulnerable due to age or a medical condition. We had not talked about my husband/his dad going to work each day. 

Throughout this stay at home order, my son has been a trooper. He’s been in good spirts and has been taking it all in stride considering what going on in the world. Or so I thought. I’ve been focused on his transition to virtual fifty grade. I’ve been focused on my school’s and students’ transition to remote learning. I’ve been thinking about all that my students may be navigating and worried about during this time. I had not paused to look beyond my son’s chill and business as usual exterior to see his worry about his dad getting sick because he leaves the home for work each day. I know this worry does’t consume my son, but it’s there and it’s real. While there is so much related to this global pandemic that I can not control, we are doing our part to stay safe and I will be wrapping my arms around my little one much more often. 

Our New Normal

This global health crisis we are all watching unfold still feels a bit surreal. Friends and family in different states and in different countries spending day in and day out at home. This is not a reality I ever wanted to see or experience, but here we are. I find myself having to shut off the news so that I’m not inundated with the everything. For the most part, I am doing the best I can to navigate the day with work and my son’s homeschooling (he’s been a real trooper so far; we’ll see how we do when the cabin fever really sets in). Every now and then moments of worry wash over me. I know I’m not alone in this. Right now, everyone is worried about someone’s health, job or livelihood. I’ve had friends laid off and those whose businesses have suffered a big hit. I have family members in the health care field. My parents are of a vulnerable age and my eldest brother is in a hospice. Then there are the students, families and colleagues who are navigating all of this too. It can become a lot if we don’t temper our information intake, compartmentalize when necessary, practice self-care and identify the positives within our days.

It’s times like these when you have find the good and there is a lot out there. Examples of kindness and generosity between neighbors or strangers. We’ve seen virtual dance parties, workouts and performance. We’ve seen people rally to create birthday caravans for a child whose birthday party had to be canceled. We’ve seen the selflessness of our health care professionals who are on the front lines. We’ve also seen the true dedication of educators committed to educating and caring for their students. This is community.

Moving to a new city far away from family and friends has made this time a bit more difficult since I’m still trying to build community and find my people. Luckily, I’ve moved enough in my life to that that just takes time (lessons learned from the foreign service brat life). However, in these few short (but long feeling) weeks of social distancing, I’ve done some reframing. We’ve been asked to keep our physical distance, but social connection is still important. Thank goodness for phones, Face Time and other technology. I’ve been able to Zoom chat with nine of my college friends at the same time, FaceTime with a longtime friend in the northeast, and What’s App video chat with two friends - one in Haiti and one in Canada; the last time the three of us were together was in Port Au Prince in seventh grade. People come together in times of hardship and uncertainty.

This time is also for familial connection and introspection. In the past week and change, I’ve dusted off my journal, started a puzzle, read, gotten out my adult coloring book and taken walks with my son. The online home workouts have been fun and served as PE in my son’s school schedule (Thanks Planet Fitness and Yoga with Adrienne). They also reminded just how out of shape I am. I’ve tuned in to a couple of IG dance parties (shout out to DJ D-Nice and DJ Quiana Parks), danced with the real Debbie Allen, and evening popped in to do an evening mediation led by an alum of my high school. People’s generosity of spirit and time has been inspiring. As we navigate our ways through this, I hope that the positives of each day and the kindness we extend to each other continues. May you be well and stay healthy. We are all in this together and if you need/want to chat I’m just a phone call or video chat away.  The way through is by leaning on each other, finding bright spots in each day, staying connected (while physically distant) and by not being too hard on ourselves. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes. We will all have those moments. Just remember to look for the good and make time to laugh.

Finally, a friend me sent this image that has also been circulating around social media recently. While I often take these things with a grain of salt, I figure why not engage. In taking a quick moment to scan for the first three words, it apparently revealed what I'll need for the upcoming weeks: Gratitude. Connection. Strength. 

#OneWord 2020

When I started this year’s #oneword process, I brainstormed until I found myself stuck between three words. With this being my fourth year speaking my #oneword into the universe, I thought it would be much easier to figure out my word. It wasn’t. At one point, I considered going with three words instead one. My past words have been:

2017 Patience

2018 Encourage

2019 Believe

As I kept reflecting on my three words - Joy. Lift. Moments - I realized that they were all connected. With the whole of 2020 and 365 days of possibilities ahead of me, my #oneword is MOMENTS.

In the year ahead, I want to experience lots of moments of joy on my own, with my family, alongside friends, and at work. I also want to help create moments of joy for others and hope to have some created for me. More experiences, more memories and more appreciation of the small or simpler things. 

In the year ahead, I want to make sure that I not only focus on the ways in which I need to invest in myself (mind, body and spirit), but also focus on the ways in which I can invest in and I can lift up others. I want to be intentional about lifting others’ spirits, lifting their confidence, and lifting and supporting others on their professional journeys.

So my year is not about resolutions, it’s about moments. Perhaps those moments will be time spent nurturing friendships, hanging out with family, performing acts of kindness, working with a leadership coach, submitting a conference workshop proposal or two, volunteering, walking more in the sunshine, reading on the beach, learning how to do something new, connecting, laughing and living my best 2020. So, here’s to all the MOMENTS ahead. 

Goodbye 2010s, Hello 2020!

During my 2009 to 2019 chapter, I ...

💥Began my wild parenthood ride without a map or instruction manual 

💥Started and finished my Masters degree

💥Lived in Virginia, Connecticut and Florida

💥Traveled to Mexico, Canada, South Africa, Hong Kong, Dominican Republic and knocked a few more states off my list

💥Presented at a conference 

💥Started a blog

💥Became a homeowner again

💥Braved various snow events and my almost first hurricane 

💥Watched my Virginia Cavaliers win a National Basketball Championship and saw them compete in the Orange Bowl

💥Journeyed from Assistant Dean of Students to Principal 

💥Suffered loss of family and of friendships

💥Have been disappointed, failed, stayed silent when I shouldn’t have and battled self doubt personally and professionally

💥Had wonderful moments of joy, enjoyed some successes, stood for something, spoke up for others, welcomed new friendships and deepened others, built community, and recognized my strength in hard times 

💥Have been brave, courageous and vulnerable 

💥Spoke my truth (on more than one occasion)

💥Have an even stronger sense of self, don’t let others define me, know that I add value to this world 

💥Loved, learned and laughed

Thanks for the memories and lessons. Here’s to whatever 2020 has in store!

"Thanks"giving 2019

When I was in high school we had assembly at which the students shared what they were grateful for, which ranged from a favorite TV show to a supportive faculty member to loved ones lost. Each year I continue that tradition by reflecting on the past year and sharing my thanks as a blog post. And with that, here is my "thanks"giving for 2019.

I am thankful for this year that's been full of transition and change. Change is not always easy, nor is being far from family and friends, but I am settling into my new home and new job. I know I will find and build community here too.

I am thankful for warm weather, palm trees and covered patios.

I am thankful for my husband and son who are on this adventure ride with me. They’ve been troopers as we embrace this new chapter together. I am so grateful for my husband who was willing to following my job change and handled most things during the transition (inc. cooking, school drop off/pick up, play date shuttling, etc.). I'm looking forward to us exploring our new home city and uncovering all the surprises it has in store for us.

I am thankful for these past ten years during which I have been able to see my son grow and come into his own. He’s curious, active, and, at times, funny. I love seeing him navigate all that has been thrown at him and his willing to try new things is inspiring. He’s a pretty cool kid and I’m grateful that he still likes hanging out with his mom.

I am thankful for my parents, brothers and sister. Thank you for putting up with me and for accepting me for me.  Thank you for all the memories, fun and stories over the years. I am so lucky to have been born into our formidable Anyaso crew with deep Rawles roots and influences.

I am thankful for my Aunt Shelly who I miss tremendously. So full of life, love and generosity. I am a better person for having had you in my life.

I am thankful for all the people who have believed in and taken a chance on me. I've been blessed with awesome mentors and colleagues along the way. Because of you I have had a very fulfilling educational and professional journey.

I am thankful for my students - past and present. I have learned so much from you over the years. It’s such a privilege to see you grow, face adversity, thrive and come into you own. You have not only helped me become a better educator, but also a better person. Thank you for letting me be a part of your journey.

I'm thankful for every experience that I have had to date - the small victories and the "ugh" failures (aka learning opportunities). Some were joyful, some were challenging and others were downright embarrassing. Regardless, I learned something from each and every one of them. They helped shape who I am today.

I am thankful for all my friends - past, present and future. Whether we are still in touch or not, I am grateful for you being a part of my life for a moment, a season or for a lifetime. Thank you for being there when I needed to talk, laugh, cry or just be. Also, big thanks to those of you (and your families) who took me in for a holiday. I appreciate you welcoming me into your homes.

I am thankful for those little things in life that make us happy and are good for the soul. So in that vein, I am thankful for English Breakfast tea, gummy bears, Hallmark and Lifetime holiday movies (especially the ones that make me shed a tear or two), books, volleyball, pizza, Maryland steamed blue crabs, logic puzzles, comfy clothes, the spa, momcations, going to the movies, and reading and snuggling with my little guy.

I am thankful for each day I have and for all the things I have yet to experience.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Starting a New Chapter

When you haven’t been new for a while, you almost forget what it feels like to be the new kid. You’ve been comfortable knowing your way around, understanding how things get done and the why behind it, and knowing people’s names. You had it down and even knew what to do when over the course of the year, but things have changed. You are back to being the newbie. What a nervously exciting time.

Starting over requires patience, mainly with oneself. You must take things one day at a time, ask lots of questions, and trust that you will begin to make sense of it all at some point. It’s also important to remember that no one expects you to know it all from the beginning, including mastering several hundred names. It just takes time.

So, this is what I am reminding myself as I enter the third week of school and the third month on the job. Being new is not easy. You miss knowing how things work, familiar routines, and familiar faces. You miss understanding the people around you. You don’t know what to expect because you haven’t lived a full year in your new surroundings or job, but it’s okay. Soon enough I’ll have experienced my first of many events and traditions rendering them no longer unknown entities to me.

While being new is not a cake walk, it is something I have done quite a bit in my life. I guess you could say that I am pretty comfortable being uncomfortable navigating new places, people, and situations. So, here’s to patience, time, a few missteps, and that moment when you realize you’re no longer the new kid (and can’t use that excuse anymore).

In memory of my fabulous Aunt Shelly

Time and time again we are all reminded about how important it is to tell those we love and who've been influential in lives just how much they mean to us because life is too short. This couldn't be more true. This past Friday, August 2, 2019 we lost the more beautiful soul as my Aunt Shelly was called home. Six years ago I partook in SoulPancake's experiment in gratitude by writing and sharing the those sentiments with someone who had been really influential in my life - my aunt. Below are the words I had the privilege of being able to share with my aunt at the time so she would know just how special she was to all of us. While I don't know a world without her and miss her already, I know she's up in heaven singing with the angels, cooking up a storm, and amplifying the love. Rest in peace Aunt Shelly. Thank you for all of your love and for living your life authentically and on your terms. Your life and legacy is a gift to us all.

Often when asked to write about someone who has influenced me, I write about my mother or speak about my parents’ impact on who I am. However, when I think about those individuals who have truly shaped the person I am today, I have to also think about my mom’s sister, my Aunt Shelly. My aunt is one of the most amazing, generous, strong people I know. What makes her amazing has nothing to do with a resume list of accomplishments. What makes Aunt Shelly amazing is her heart. She is ridiculously generous in every aspect of her life. 

 Growing up as a Foreign Service kid meant that after every country I lived in a sibling left to attend boarding high school in the States. So while I left the States at six years old, I returned to the States at 13 years old and was the third Anyaso sibling to do so. My aunt served as each of our guardians and actually she was more than a "guardian", she was our second mother. She did the move ins, move outs, took us on weekends, took us during every major school break, brought me to the hospital for my hernia surgery when I was 15 years old, and came to our schools anytime the school called, which was a lot for my older brother who kept making poor decisions while at boarding school. My favorite memories from high school have to do with the time I spent with aunt and the random, fun stuff we did. I also think about how my aunt, a single mother not only took care of her sister’s three children, but also served as the caretaker for my grandfather who was bedridden due to two strokes and a cousin who was bedridden due to Multiple Sclerosis. Aunt Shelly also took care of my grandmother before she passed away, took in my older cousin when they decided to move from New York to Baltimore and for a few weeks every summer she also had my younger brother who was back in the States for summer vacation. There was one summer when there were nine of us living in a very modest home and had the best time together.  

 Even now as my aunt waits on the organ donor list for a kidney, her spirits are high, love overflowing, and she is still the best cook around. I don’t think any of us have told her thank you enough or told her just how much she has influenced who we are. Often people are asked "what does success look like". For me, success looks like my Aunt Shelly – an amazing, generous, and kind woman who loves her family and who makes the lives of everyone around her better - and I truly hope that I can be half the woman that she is.

Endings...

Endings are weird. You’re excited and people want to make sure that you’re appropriately sad to move. You’re nostalgically sad as you prepare to move on and people want to make sure you’re excited.

You think back on moments from your tenure - the funny, the sad, the frustrating, the ridiculous, and the real. You think about all the lessons you learn from your wins, from your "that could have gone better" moments, and from your flops.

As I pack up my books and dust the shelves, I think about how particular readings helped me serve different students. As I take down my photos, quotes, and artifacts, the office becomes a little less mine as I get it ready for it’s next owner. As I throw away the papers and items that I held on to for too long and have’t referenced in a while, I remember that I don’t need to hold on to everything as I move on. It’s the lessons, laughter, memories, and the people that I carry with me. Every place I have lived and worked is a part of who I am and has shaped me.

The Last Chapel Talk of 2019

As some of you know, at the beginning of the school year my older brother had a medical emergency. He’s been fighting his life this whole year, but we're not sure how much longer he'll be with us so they are just trying to make him as comfortable as possible. Through this I wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to be there for you in the way that I would want to be or that you would need me to be while dealing with this family situation and my own pain. From the beginning, I knew the year was going to be a long one. 

My one word for 2019 was believe. When I chose it, I was thinking about how I had needed to believe in myself and believe in whatever plan there was for my brother, but as we got further into the school year I knew it was also about believing in you, your ability to travel your W, and that everything happens for a reason. One of your classmates made a passing comment about why am I always given the, let’s say, complex classes. The truth is I believe I was meant to have you as my last Loomis class. There are so many stories in this room and many of you have dealt with your own personal challenges that were about so much more than grades and scores. I’m sure some of you think that you frustrate me and I’m not going to say that there weren’t any frustrating moments in our time together, because there were. There always are. However, what you should know is that more than anything, you inspired me. You’re fighters and survivors. I don’t claim to know all the ups, downs, wins, losses, and struggles you faced this year, but for the ones I do know I saw your strength as you navigated through it and put one foot in front of the other as you took it day by day. I saw you make lemonade out of lemons, laugh, shine, and keeping standing up. You were meant to be my last class so that I could see you tackle each day despite whatever was going on and then I could do the same. 

Last year I subjected you to my reading of the poem The Dash. There was line in the poem that said, “For it matters not, how much we own, the cars… the house… the cash. What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.” I hope this experience is one you can be proud of and not one in which you spent seeing as a means to an end. I hope what you did here mattered in big and little ways. So, embrace the end and this final week on the island. Enjoy closing up this chapter of your journey. I hope you will make the most of wherever you are off to next. Do not wish that time away and do not see it as just another box to check. Make sure you pause along the way to take it all in, enjoy and learn from it. I wish the best for each of you and hope that you will always strive to be the best you you can be. I hope that you will always take care of yourself - mind, body, and spirit. While I don’t know if our paths will cross again know that I’m out there rooting for you and that you can always reach out. I am so glad that we had this time together. It has been an honor and privilege to serve as your Dean. I love you. 

** final remarks to the Loomis Chaffee Class of 2019 at the last class meeting on May 17, 2019

                      Opening Dance Sept. 22, 2018             Graduation Day - May 26, 2019

Hello 2019!

While today is the official first day of the new year, I really see it as the transition day before the real kick off to the new year. Many of us return to work tomorrow and for the most part we'll all be jumping right back in.

So today we laze about, consider our goals for the year, and get ready to act on them tomorrow. Like everyone else, I have some goals in all the big categories - family/relationships, health, financial, professional development, personal development, and, of course, my yearly book goal (42 books in 2019). However, my inspiration to write this post is not about sharing my resolutions or presenting big, lofty goals. This is more of me keeping it real and speaking it into my new year. Bring on the 365 stories and opportunities that will fill the pages of my book.

So what do I want in 2019?

• To keep exploring and stay curious
• Embrace big and small adventures 
• Learn from the difficult  
• Try some new things 
• Fail (okay, truth be told I don't really want to fail or have things not go my way, but I can accept that it will happen more than once this year and there is growth in that)
• Know when to ask for help
• Love up on my family 
• Be there for my students
• Make time for what's important 
• Remember that silence is not always golden and we must speak up when it matters
• Spread the positive
• Be at peace with being an imperfect parent who's trying and leading with love. 
• Never lose sight of who I am 
• Strive to improve and grow every day
• Don't let anyone limit or define me
• Know that I am enough
• Slay

And to wholeheartedly embrace my one word for 2019 in all aspects of my life.

Until Next Year PoCC....

On the eve of my re-entry after PoCC, I write my final conference post. First of all, thank you PoCC family for a wonderful reunion, for filling my bucket, and for continuing to breathe life into me. I drew so much knowledge, energy, and inspiration from our days together. We often talk about the importance of self-care and let me tell you, coming to PoCC is Self-care with a capital S. As a parent, I try to help my son understand the difference between needs and wants. PoCC is a need. It helps recharge the batteries and centers me in a way that allows me to keep doing the work.

Now that we are all returning to our schools, we must continue to think about how we can help move our schools forward in their diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) efforts. Now, let me clarify that this charge is not the sole responsibility of the educators from marginalized backgrounds. We need everyone invested in the work. The help we can offer is by sharing our truths, our experiences, and our lens. We need to be, as Marian Wright Edelman said, "strategic fleas and good pests" when it comes to diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) work. So what can schools start (or continue doing)?

Schools can:

• Look in the mirror at themselves and say, how can we do better? And then start doing better. 
• Dedicate institutional resources to this work (i.e. time, money, space). Priorities are shown by where we put our resources.
• Demonstrate the administration's support by moving from the opt-in DEI professional development to a mandatory model which means whole school accountability. 
• Knowing that students who experience a true sense of belonging in their school communities have positive social and academic outcomes means questioning what in our schools inhibits students' sense of belonging. We need to make sure we are intentional about fostering a sense of belonging for each student. (NMH's Stephanie Harris and Thérèse Collins session gave us the definition of belonging as "a sense of community and acceptance a student feels in school". Brené Brown states "fitting in is about being accepted for being like everyone else, belonging is about being accepted for being yourself.")
• And to quote Dr. Hill in his closing keynote speech, schools need to know that "it is nothing for us to have a inclusive community aesthetically and demographically if the core of the institution still looks the same."

Finally, in our final affinity group session, we were asked to think about what kindness we need to show to ourselves and what kindness can we ask others to do for us.

Me to Me

• Just breathe
• Make sure to prioritize my needs (i.e. put on my oxygen mask first)

Kindness others can do for me

• Please do the work to educate yourselves. There are plenty of really helpful articles, books, podcasts, videos, professional development opportunities. We use these types of resources when honing our craft in our academic disciplines so we can grow our knowledge, strengthen our practice, and address our gaps. The same approach works when it comes to DEI work. 
• Go from ally to accomplice. What that means is "an ally will mostly engage in activism by standing with an individual or group in a marginalized community. An accomplice will focus more on dismantling the structures that oppress that individual or group--and such work will be directed by the stakeholders in the marginalized group." (Colleen Clemens, "Ally or Accomplice: The Language of Activism" Teaching Tolerance, June 5, 2017, https://bit.ly/2Sqrnmm)
• See me

Looking forward to reuniting with everyone next year in Seattle for PoCC 2019! Until then, be a powerful force for positive change and keep keeping it real.

The Power of Words at POCC

I have a confession.

While I meant every word of my first blog post of the conference, I wasn't necessarily feeling my own words. It actually took walking into the Grand Ballroom for the POCC opening ceremony for the emotion of my words to hit me. The true beauty of our family reunion POCC moved me to tears. The energy and excitement of the 6300+ POCC and SDLC attendees was palpable as we all geared up to do the work. The Tennessee State University Aristocrats of Band had everyone up on their feet as they brought down the house with their performance.

The Aristocrats of Bands' performance was only the start of something great. More greatness came as speakers dropped some serious gems on us.

Gems dropped...
"Allow students to keep shaping and shaking our school communities." - Donna Orem

"Reclaim our time, talent, treasure, and testimony." - Collinus Newsome

"We came here to be fortified, so we can go back and do the work we need to do." - Rodney Glasgow

"Now that you know, you can't pretend that you don't." - Lisa Ling sharing Oprah's advice to her

When people give us gems, we can't just sit back and admire them. We must string them together to create something new, powerful, and beautiful. Words can stay words if we let them, but what a waste that would be. We need to use these words and so many others that we hear throughout the day to fuel action and inspire change in our schools.

So my POCC family, what will you do with all the gems you hear?

POCC - A Family Reunion

On the eve of the official launch of POCC, I can't help but feel like I've just arrived at a family reunion. The family reunion you have when you have a ginormous family and you're happy to see everyone.

After not being able to attend POCC the past two years, I couldn't wait to finally make my return. For me, POCC is about the people, the amazing energy, the connecting, and the reconnecting. POCC is personal and professional development. It's a place where we can refill our buckets. Many of us may be one of a few people of color (or the only) at our schools and that can take a toll. When I come to POCC, it's like reuniting with family. I get to walk into spaces filled with a sea of beautiful black and brown faces and I belong.

Over the next few days, Nashville's Music City Center will be home to welcome hugs, hearty laughter, old friends catching up, new friendships being built, deep conversations, knowledge sharing, and lots and lots of real talk. The learning, affirmation, inspiration, fellowship, and ability to be unapologetically yourself feeds the soul.

Throughout the conference, I'll be blogging about my experience, sharing my reflections, and bringing you along with me to my POCC family reunion.

"Thanks"giving 2018

Some traditions are worth carrying on. Back in high school, we had an all school assembly right before the November break where students expressed their gratitude for the various people, places, and things in touched their life. Some sentiments were thoughtful, some were heartwarming, and some were completely nonsensical (but really who are we to judge). Either way we all looked forward to that assembly each year. It's been quite a while since high school for me, but I still carry on the Madeira School assembly tradition of giving thanks and expressing gratitude each year with post.

I am grateful for my family. We have been on many adventures together and weathered some storms, but through it all we are always there for each other. We may not be perfect and we may not always agree, but we come together when it counts and we Anyasos are definitely a force to be reckoned with.

I am grateful for the family I created. There's no manual for how to be good partners or parents and even if there was, it would be outdated as soon as it was publish. The rules are always changing and there is no one way to do it right. So we figure it out and we learn from our missteps, but most of all we keep love and each other at the center of it all.

I am grateful for having a job that is not just a job, but my purpose. I get to learn, grow, and reflect every day.

I am grateful for books. I love books and I fully admit that I have a book problem as evidenced by the talk pile of books at my bedside. I embrace the learning, windows, mirrors, and sliding doors that books give me.

I am grateful for all those things in my life from the simple to the complicated that fill me with joy, including podcasts, momcation, movies in the theater, volleyball, nonchocolate candy, quotes that really speak to me, comfort foods, reading aloud with my son, laughter, and so much more.

I am grateful for the trials and tribulations of life. We all get bumps and bruises along the way, but that does not take away from the wonderful moments we experience.

I am grateful for my imperfections because they remind me that I'm human and keep me humble. They also remind me to be kind to myself because I don't need to be perfect to be amazing.

I am grateful for my staying friends. Friends come and go. Some longtime friendships may fade and while we are glad to have been blessed with those relationships, we have to okay okay letting them go. I am grateful for the time we had together and even more for those friends have been there through and through.

I am grateful for my students - past and present. Our time together are filled with ups, downs, and all around. We may not always see eye to eye, but you challenge me in many of the best ways and I learn from you each day. It's a privilege to get to be on a part of your journey with you and I love seeing you grow, come into your own, discover your voice, explore your passions, and be at peace with just being yourself. Be bold. Be brave. Be you. Don't take your time together for granted and always make the time to take care of yourself - mind, body, and spirit.

I am grateful for community. As someone who lives far from family, I am truly grateful for those friends, colleagues, and Jack & Jill mother members who embraced me like family.

I am grateful for sunrises, sunsets, good food, good health, and good people. We only get one life and I am grateful to wake up each morning with one goal - make the most of each day and live my best life.

"You Don't Have To Be Perfect To Be Amazing"

Sometimes you hear something that speaks life into you. It touches your head, heart, and soul. That is what the below quote did when I recently heard it for the first time from Danielle Brown, the National President of Jack and Jill of America, Inc. As someone who loves quotes, it's hard to believe that I had never heard this one before, but I digress. She spoke those words and not only did they resonate with me, it released me. It released me from how we mothers beat ourselves up for those times when we've dropped the ball, couldn't attend something, or (over)reacted instead of responded. It released me from those times as a dean when I didn't have all the answers, had a conversation go poorly, or couldn't make it to a student performance. We are so hard on ourselves that we keep letting the narrative playing in our head (on repeat) tell us that we have to do it all and do it all well. That voice is basically saying "don't screw it up." How can you live up to the societal expectations of what success looks like when it comes to your career, parenthood, marriage, and everything other role you play in your day-to-day life? How exhausting and completely unattainable. 

Let me tell you, I have forgotten to make my son's lunch the night before (and perhaps, even forgotten to pick him up from the bus stop). I have left the house with a few wrinkles in my dress and my hair out of place. I have double booked myself with meetings at work. I have mailed a birthday card late. I have picked my son up for the bus and realized that perhaps he shouldn't have been allowed to pick out his clothes that day. I could give you a laundry list of tasks on which I have fallen short, but what purpose does that really serve? All it does is leave me disappointed and feeling like a failure because it seems like everyone else has it together. Well, guess what? We need to stop the nonesense because it's not true. They don't have it all together. We are all just trying the best we can. Sometimes we mess it up, but more often than not we get it awesomely right (or more realistically, we're on the right track). In the end, we have to remember that we get to decide the narrative that's going to play in our head and frankly, "you don't have to be perfect to be amazing" is the one I'll be playing from here on out. On repeat!