Setting My Mind For The Day

Making the home (or spring break) to school transition can be a bit jarring, so it's important for me to set my mind right for the school day each morning. So like so many people, I have an office morning routine to get me ready for whatever or whoever walks through my door that day.

I've always been an early bird (so it's no surprise that my 9 year old is up and raring to go at 6:30 am each morning). Being an early bird means I like to get to work before others arrive. I enjoy the quiet hum of the office, the calm before any potential storms, and to listen to a podcast episode or, if the mood strikes me, to crank up my music to pump some energy into my day.

Of course, my morning is not complete unless I've poured my English Breakfast tea. While colleagues and students are often surprised that I have never consumed coffee in my life, especially with the energy I bring to my day, tea will always be my go to morning beverage of choice. 

Perhaps you do something different to get your mind ready for the day. A morning workout? A cup of coffee? A ride in to work while listening to NPR? Whatever it is, make it your own. Morning routines should be personalized so they make sense for that individual. My morning may look different than yours, but these seemingly simple parts of my routine make a world of difference in getting me ready for when the 8:30am school bell rings. 

My Friday Five: 2018 NAIS Annual Conference

Introducing a new weekly blog feature where I'll share five moments, observations, experiences, or lessons from the week that inspired me, taught me, or for which I thankful. Please enjoy my first Friday Five.

So a week ago, I traveled to Atlanta for this year's National Association of Independent School's Annual Conference. While it was a relatively quick 33 hours on the ground, I walked away with some nuggets of inspirations and food for further thoughts. In this edition of My Friday Five, I wanted to share the five (of many) takeaways that stuck with me.


1. Students have to connect emotionally before any learning can happen. - Daisy Pellant, Breck School
This PechaKucha presentation (20 images x 20 seconds) delivered by The Breck School's Daisy Pellant, Director of the Peter Clark Center for Mind, Brain, and Education really got to the heart of what students need to learn. Students need an emotional connection. They need to know we care, that we believe they can do it, and that we're invested in who they are and in their potential for success.

2. Leadership is a behavior, not a position. Practice leadership is all aspects of your life so that when you do get a position, you are ready to behave as a leader. - Pearl Rock Kane, Klingenstein Center for Independent School Leadership
This quote really resonated with me as a school leader, but also as someone who works with aspiring student leaders. There is this bad trend for some students to try to rack up the leadership titles at school in the belief that this will help them in their college process. This can result in breath, but not depth. Let's get back to doing fewer things and doing them well. Also, we need to help students redefine what it means to be a leader. Just because you have a title, it does not make you a leader and not having a title doesn't mean that you aren't a leader. We need to help students learn to lead themselves first and to lead in all aspects of their life. They need to hone their leadership behavior first. This can look like a student speaking up against a wrongdoing, standing up for someone else, leading a discussion in class, and being a committed community service participant. It's about helping without being asked, having integrity, doing the right thing even when no one else is watching, being kind, showing up to class on time, or sitting with someone at lunch that you've never spoken to before. Let's help students focus more on leading with their actions, words, and post and less on titles.

3. “Listening as a storyteller requires you to empathize but also asks you to be a learner....How did you get here? What did your journey teach you? -  Sisonke Msimang, The Centre for Stories 
Everyone has a story and by listening to one's story we learn more about who they are, the oath they traveled, and those moments in their life that have truly shaped and influenced them. These stories may be humorous or challenging. They may have left us with lessons and helped us grown. They could just be simple moments of meaning, healing, and nostalgia. We are our stories.

                    Photo courtesy of @kawai_lai @naisnetwork 

4. Empower and Equip Students. Focus on the Do's, instead of the don't(s) - The Social Institute and Ravenscroft School 
Our students have sat through assembly after assembly about the evils of social media. So hearing about what the work The Social Media Institute was refreshing. It's time to reframe our approaches to talking about social media and teach students about the do's when it comes to social media. They aim to work with schools to "equip and empower" students. We should be working with students to become social leaders and to use social media positively and as a tool, not just as a toy.

5. Women are hired and promoted on what they've accomplished, while men are hired and promoted based on potential. - The Pathway to Leadership: Stories and Strategies from Women and People of Color Panel
There's research out there that focuses on how many women will make sure they have every credentialed box checked off before applying for that next level job or promotion, but many men will just go for it with less boxes checked. This research and the above quote are the things make you pause and reflect on how you may be holding yourself back or getting in your own way. Self-awareness is the first step in combatting that inner critic or inner narrative you have going on. Instead of why me, ask why not me? One of the stats that the panelists shared was that there are only approximately 7% heads of schools of color and I suspect that the percentage of female heads of color is even less. While this stat could be discouraging to some, I actually believe it should be a motivator to push even more to help move that needle.

          Photo courtesy of @mtsapatsaris

It's A Small World After All

I've always felt very fortunate to have had the opportunity to live overseas during my elementary through middle school years and to attend boarding school. Both of these experiences allowed me to meet people from literally all over the world. A lot of my perceptions about various countries and cultures are mostly based on my interaction with peers from all around the world and not on what I see on the news.
Often the world seems so vast and over time we lose touch with people, wonder what they've been up to, and perhaps are only connected to them by way of social media. However, as large as the world is, sometimes we are reminded just how small it is as well.
It's A Small World #1
Recently, I received a call from an old friend from my days in Nigeria. There I sat at my desk listening to a message (with my mouth open) as I heard a voice from the past, the 4th grade past.  You know a school experience is long lasting when you get a call from an American International School of Lagos friend you haven't seen in thirty-one years. Let me also share that I have very vivid memories of my time in Nigeria. I remember friends, teachers, four-square, first dances, and the like. These are the experiences in life that stick with you when you are living in a country that is not your own. So why the call from my old friend? He wanted to let me know that a young man he knows is considering attending the school I work at and that if he comes, I'd be his dean. Small World! It was really great catching up Byron after all these years! Let's just say we had a lot of years to cram into our call, but it was fun to learn about each others journey since Lagos. This random moment of reconnection is a reminder of how shared experiences really can bond people for life. #AIS4life


It's A Small World #2
So the blast from the past, it's a small world did not just stop with reconnecting with my 4th grade friend. At the end of that same weekend, I had an "it's a small world in boarding schools" moment when I saw a photo of my East Dorm adult from my first two years as a student at the Madeira School on a colleague's Facebook page. What was the connection? After some serious scrolling and connecting the dots, it turns out that my current colleague is the granddaughter of my house adult Sam King who would have been 93 years old that Sunday. Mind blown. I couldn't wait to see my colleague at lunch the next day and, of course, her first question was "Why did you like a picture on my grandmother on Facebook?" So I told her. It was so fun to share my memories of Sam with her granddaughter. It also reminded me of what I learned from Ms. King which was that you can be tough and hold students to high standards when it comes to behavior, while caring deeply about them and who they will become.

The world is smaller than we think, so treasure each moment, remember than you can learn something from everyone and every experience, and be mindful of how you treat people because there's always a chance that your paths will cross again.

Fighting through Imposter Syndrome on Career Day

So in this year of saying yes more often than I say no, I agreed to participate in this month's Greater Hartford Chapter of Jack & Jill, Inc.'s Black History Month Career Day. Participating meant being one of the Jack & Jill parents staffing a table and talking to the chapter children about my career. 

I will admit I was nervous about participating. Where was this nervousness coming from? It came from the fact that I questioned whether the children (who spend a lot of time in schools around educators) would be interested in hearing about my work as a dean. When you know that other career tables are being staffed by a psychiatrist (with mini model brains to giveaway), an engineer (with a cool experiment to show), a cardiologist, and sports broadcaster, you can see where why I was a bit nervous. 

What I will say is that my preparation for the career day forced me to be reflective and dig deep into my why and my what. I love my job and my students, so it really came down to sharing what, how, and why I do what I do. So in the end this is what I shared:

What

• Empower and encourage students
  
• Help students get involved in the school community and pursue their interests
  
• Ensure that students feel seen, heard, supported, and valued
• Help them develop leadership skills. 
• Help them learn to be accountable and responsible
• Help them learn and grow from their missteps
• Help them learn how to ask for help, use the resources, and make the most of their experience
• Be a champion for students

How 

• Meet with each of my students at the beginning of the year
  
• Attend their events (i.e. performances, athletics, presentations, etc.) and cheer them on 
  
• Send birthday cards and kudos email
  
• Listen and hear them out 
• Laugh with them
• Be intentional about character building conversations
• Real talk about life and legacies
• Be willing to have the more difficult, but necessary real world conversations

Why 

• To help students navigate the unpredictable waters of high school and get to graduation knowing more about who they are and what kind of impact they want to have in the world. 
  

While I can't really compete with the brain giveaways or engineering experiments, I know that it's educators who helped each of us at those tables get to where we are because they believed in us. I get to pay that forward and celebrate my students. So as a couple of children said after I shared my what, how, and why I do what I do, my job is pretty "cool."

My One Word for 2018 is ...

2017 was a year of ups, downs, and all-arounds. My days were filled with love, laughter, tears, and friendship. It wasn't a perfect year, but what year is and who really wants the unattainable perfect anyway? Fun, growth, and learning comes from imperfect moments and from our imperfect selves and I'm cool with that. 

In 2017, my one word was PATIENCE, a word I will continue to carry with me as I enter 2018. I kick off this new year with hope, positivity, gratitude, and my new one word: E•N•C•O•U•R•A•G•E.

In 2018, I will strive to ...

Encourage my students to strike a balance between always grinding it out to get to the next level and living in the moment while being their best selves. 

Encourage my son to continue to grow and to stay uniquely and unapologetically himself. 

Encourage my family and friends to go after their dreams and embrace the good in their lives. 

Encourage more listening and curiosity because there is so much we can learn from each other. 

Encourage positivity. 

Encourage love

Encourage truth. 

Encourage authenticity. 

Encourage passion. 

Be encouraged about the future and all the possibilities it holds. 

Encourage also contains the word courage and so I want to embrace that part of the word too. In 2018, may I have the ...

Courage to take risks

Courage to embrace new experiences and opportunities

Courage to create. 

Courage to be vulnerable. 

Courage to push myself to be better than I was yesterday. 

Courage to speak up for what's right. 

Courage to stand up for what I believe in and for others. 

Courage to say yes. 

Courage to get back up after knock downs, setbacks, and disappointments. 

Courage to do things that scare (not terrify) me and grow from those experiences. 

Courage to be unapologetically me. 

Happy 2018! Let's live it courageously!

And that's a wrap...2017 Highlights

As we close out the year, it's important to look back on how we lived our year. We should be asking ourselves, did we practice kindness every day? Were we present in our lives? Did we take risks? Did we step out of our comfort zones? Did we laugh and did we cry? Did we stand up for what we believe in? Did we speak up enough? Did we listen enough? Did we stay true to who we are? Did we strive to be better each day?

As I reflect on these questions of the past year, I also smile at some of my highlights and moments of living I did in 2017. Below are just a few of the more notable ones. 

• My son had his first foray into standing up for what you believe in as we attended the Women's March in Hartford. 
  
• I watched 7 out of 9 of the Best Picture nominees (this is the most I've seen pre-Oscars ever) 
  
• I presented for the first time at the NAIS Annual Conference as the culminating project for my Aspiring Heads Fellowship. My cohort group was very proud of presentation (as is evident by our group photo below).
  
• I was installed as a new mom into the Greater Hartford chapter of Jack and Jill of America. 
  
• We got away as a family and spent some time in Narragansett, RI. Nothing beats time at the beach. 
  
• After a gazillion superhero movies (and remakes), I finally got a Wonder Woman movie during my lifetime. 
  
• My husband and I took in lunch and a show in NYC as we finally saw Hamilton: The Musical on Broadway. 
  
• My son and I continued our activism by attending West Hartford's Walk in Solidarity with Charlottesville. 
  
• I finally made it to the Dominican Republic for the first time (despite having lived in Haiti for two years when I was younger) to celebrate my brother Vincent's nuptials. 
  
• As an avid Ted Talk fan, I finally attended my first Ted event - TedxHartford. It was pretty cool and perhaps one day I'll have the courage and inspiration to do one myself. 
  
• I turned 40 and stayed fabulous 😜

2017 was a pretty good year. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't perfect and there were some difficult moments, but I choose to embrace the positive. I look forward to seeing what 2018 has in store for me. Happy New Year!

Lessons from Cars 3: Driven To Win

Recently, I was traveling and needed a movie to help pass the time. So what does one do when they've seen all, but one of the movies offered inflight? Yup, you watch the one you haven't yet seen. In my case, that meant Cars 3 was the natural and only choice. Now, full disclosure, I did not have high hopes for the "threequel". However, I was pleasantly surprised. Not only did I enjoy the storyline, but I walked with lessons I can apply to my life as a mom and as a dean.

1. Sometimes you have to believe in someone even when they don't believe in themselves. Not every child or student can see their own potential. It is in those moments that you need to see it for them, believe in them more than they believe in themselves, and invest, encourage, and cheer them on.

2. Each person responds to different types of encouragement. So it's our job as mentors, leaders, or parents to pay attention and find out what motivates our students and our children. You have to look for those ways to connect and understand how to best encourage them so they can reach their full potential.

3. There are mentors and there are sponsors. Both add value. Mentors encourage, advise, coach, and cheer you on. Sponsors make a way for you; they can help get you into the race.

4. There is so much joy, happiness, and fulfillment in helping lift up those who come after you. Legacies are not just built on what you've done, but on what you've done for and inspired in others without wanting anything in return, but to see them succeed.


Courtesy: Disney Pixar