#OneWorld2017

So while I may be a little late to the #oneword challenge, but I say better late than never. As we approach the new year there is tons of talk about New Years resolutions. However, I don't necessary embark on official resolution setting activities, but I do create my list of things that I will do, want to do or want to strive for in the upcoming year. So on my ever-growing list is going to see Hamilton on Broadway (tickets were a birthday gift from the hubby), go to Dominican Republic (been on the bucket list since I lived in Haiti and it just so happens that my older brother is getting married there later this year), read 40 books from around the world in honor of my 40th birthday later this year (the book goal is an annual thing), etc. Of course, I plan to keep trying my hand (and making slow progress) at the knitting thing and the yoga thing.

So resolution and goals aside, I recently came across the #oneword challenge and it got me thinking- If I were to chose one word to guide my life in the upcoming year, what would that word be. Of course, there are a gazillion words out there and I peruse the twitter feed to see what others had chosen. People had chosen words such as - joy, perseverance, gratitude, focus, inspire, balance, brave, kindness, purpose, and more. I can definitely see me chasing some of the these words in future years, but as I read others a word kept popping up in my head and I just couldn't ignore it anymore. So for 2017, I chose PATIENCE as my #oneword.

PATIENCE with myself
I will not always get it right and I will make mistakes, but being tough on oneself is just not helpful. Sometimes I just need to cut myself a break. I need to see the message in the mess and count my blessings every day. Patience is necessary in order for me to ... To observe and to really see. To listen and to really hear. To learn and grow from the mistakes. To wait for answers, to wait for creativity, and to wait for whatever is next.

PATIENCE with my family
Perfection is unattainable and should never be the expectation. There will be moments where patience is tried and it will be important to take a breath.

PATIENCE with my students
They each have their own story, which does not always reveal itself at the beginning. They are on their own journeys of growth and self-discovery and that does not happen overnight. While it will not be without some bumps and stumbles, it will be full of high-five and fist bump worthy moments.

PATIENCE with strangers
Just breathe, teach, and reach.

PATIENCE with the time it takes for things and for change to happen

Push when necessary. Wait. Watch. Slow it down. Slow down. Take time. Make time. Just breathe.

'Thanks"giving 2016

My high school had an annual Thanksgiving assembly prior to us heading off campus in all directions. During the assembly students got the opportunity to express their gratitude in front of the whole school. Every one looked forward to this assembly and to hearing their peers say thank you for everything from their family to sleep to their teachers to 90210 and to good times in senior clubhouse. One of my high school friends has carried on the tradition all these years later by inviting people in her life to share what they are thankful for during the holiday season. She compiles all the entries of people's blessings and sends them back out to us. So 20+ years later here is my annual "thanks"giving post ....

I am so thankful for the love, support, and presence of my family and friends in my life. I greatly appreciate having a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen to me, and people to walk with me through the ups and downs of any given year.

I am thankful for the humbling experience of being a parent. Being a parent has been a wonderful blessing, but not without some challenge. This year has been one I have learned more about how my child learns and lives, while learning more about myself in the process. I am thankful for the moments when I have had to set ego aside in order to do right by my child and for the change in educational environments that I hope will serve my child better in the long run. I am also thankful for my partner in this parenting journey and can't imagine navigating the potholes and parades of life with anyone else.

I am thankful for my annual momcation which gives me the opportunity to recharge, recalibrate, and explore new terrains and experiences. I am also thankful for the Moutons who hosted me this year in Hong Kong and helped me finally cross that destination off my bucket list after almost 30 years.

I am thankful for gift of working with teens on the brink of adulthood. Through my work with students I learn and I grow as an educator and as a person every day. I am thankful that they allow me to be a part of their journeys. I am thankful for the real talk, conversations, challenges, laughs and for the many times I am inspired by them.

I am thankful for books as a means of escape, of information, of exploration and of inspiration. I am also thankful that I get to share my love of books with my son. My favorite time of the day is at bedtime when we each take turns reading to each other.

I am thankful for podcasts that help me pass my time as I walk around the loop (and exercise), but also as a way for me to learn and hear about things and from people who speak to my heart and to my interests.

I am thankful for social media and the way it has allowed me to stay in touch and connected to family, friends, classmates, and former students. I am also thankful for social media as a way to be connected to educators around the world and to expand my PLN.

I am thankful for English Breakfast tea. It starts my day. It soothes me. It helps me pause before speaking. And it reminds me of home.

I am thankful for feel good holiday movies. They may be predictable, but I look forward to the goodness, cheer, and love at the heart of the plot. i am also thankful for the remake of Anne of Green Gables airing tonight and of the release of some new Gilmore Girls episodes on Netflix. Part of the way I practice self-care is by make the time to be still and enjoy the stories portrayed in television and film.

I am thankful for all the people past and present who have cheered me on, stood by me, showed up for me, and influenced me in one way or another. I am who I am because of all the people I have touched my life positively or negatively.

I am thankful for the true emotion that exists within my laughter and my tears.

I am thankful for the moments when I get to sit in stillness with my thoughts and reflect on where I have been, where I am and where I am going. I appreciate that these moments give me an opportunity to just be present and to just make time for me and what I need.

I am thankful for the struggles, challenges, and disappointments of life from which I have grown and learned. It is by making it through these moments that I have found my strength, developed a better sense of self, and figured out more about who I am and want to be.

I am thankful for the times when I have taken risks. It is not easy to put oneself out there or to take a windy path to get to where one is going, but the ripple effect of my decisions and risks have resulted in me being where I am right now, having the family I have, and in me being who I am today. I am blessed.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

A Week Later... (post-birthday/election day post)

I have tried to write this post a couple of times over the past week and each time I return to it, I change its direction. When I first starting writing this post, I focused on my birthday coinciding with (and being overshadowed by) a historic election (yes, my birthday is November 8 and will be a future Jeopardy question). Then it morphed into a post-election/birthday post that centered around the lessons learned from the first election I ever lost which was in fifth grade. Now, I am going in a different direction after having had time to sit with my thoughts a week into my 39th year.

As an educator, a parent, and a person times like this pull you in so many directions. It would be an understatement to say that this Presidential election has elicited a lot of strong feelings across the political spectrum, across the country, and across the world.

As an educator, I need to be able to show up for each of my students, support them, respect their perspectives, listen to them, guide them through a time where people are feeling divided, and give them each a place to feel safe and the space to talk.

As a parent, I have to protect and care for my child. I have to gauge how much awareness he has of the current climate in this country, provide him with answers to his questions, respond to any realities he may face along the way, and instill hope in his heart.

As a person. I worry about my family, my students, my country, and myself. Is this about the election? Yes and no. It is not about being disappointed or elated about the results. It's about the underlying sentiments that seem to be rising up as a result of rhetoric used over the course of the campaign and how people seem emboldened to commit discriminatory and hateful acts towards marginalized groups because they now feel like it's more socially acceptable. We all know that America's history is fraught with a lot of tough and ugly times (we are not alone in this). There has been a lot of progress made and rights fought for, but where we still struggle is with everyone being made to feel that they truly belong. As a person, I worry about those I care about and about whether any of the incidents that I have been hearing and reading about from across the country (including in surrounding towns) will happen to me. I'm a black woman whose father is an immigrant. I know that at any point in time I can face challenges based on this and so I chose not to live my life scared, hiding, or by making myself small. I chose to live my life being proud of who I am and of my history and heritage. However, the bias-motivated threats and incidents seem to be on the uptick since the election and it is personally unsettling. Women being harassed and grabbed. Swastikas being sprayed painted on homes, cars, and buildings. Racial slurs being spewed. People being told to go back to "their country" or that they are going to be deported. People threatening to take away the rights of others. I could go on, but I will stop there. Sometimes it just becomes a lot to carry and just weighs heavily on my heart. I also know that I can't live each day of my life in fear of the unknown or of the possibility of being targeted and victimized. I will believe in the goodness of most people. I will stare down hate and bigotry. I will be kind. I will act. I will hope. I will teach. I will love. I will be compassionate. I will have faith. I will listen. I will stand for what I believe in. I will stand up for others. I will use my voice. And I will rise.



Paying it Forward on Parents Weekend

So as I wrap up another Parents Weekend, I think of all the ones I have experienced as a student and as an administrator. How I experience Parents Weekend today is somewhat influenced by my experiences as a student. It was pretty much a foregone conclusion that I would be going to boarding school at some point during my parents' time overseas and when we reached Niamey, Niger with an American International School that only went up to 9th grade, it pretty much sealed the deal. With two older siblings who also went off to boarding school, I embraced the opportunity and was mentally prepared to be that far away from my parents at thirteen years old. I will admit that over the course of those four years I was never a student that had to deal with homesickness or anything of that nature. What I will also say is that while I didn't experience homesickness, Parents Weekend was the one time of the year that it got a bit tough. It was hard to see most students walking around with a family member who got a chance to experience their student's classes, extracurriculars, and friends. My parents never sat through my Geometry, US History, or Creative writing classes. My parents didn't meet my advisors or ever see me play any of my three sports. They didn't even really get to meet my friends whom they had heard so much about until my graduation or even later. The thing was that I knew this going in and was able to manage it for the most part, but during each Parents Weekend there were those times when I wished that my parents could just see a glimpse of my life at school.

All these years later, as an educator I remember that feeling and can imagine that there are students on my campus who get those same pangs during Parents Weekend. While I can't take away that wish of having their parents in the classroom or on the sidelines, I can step in every now and then. So that is what I do. I try to pay attention and make note of those students in my grade or my advisees whose parents aren't able to make it and I adopt them for a class period. It's not something I discuss with them ahead of time. I just show up for them so I can see them in action in the classroom. I've been able to attend some dance, french, calculus, science, and history classes. It's actually really fun for me (well, calling attending calculus fun is a bit of a reach for me). I get to attend a few classes, see the student in action, see my colleagues in action, and I get out of the office. Of course, at the heart of it is that if the student can have once less pang in their day then it's a good thing. Throughout my high school and college careers, I had a few of my friends' parents who cheered me on at games, had me over for Easter Dinner, took me in during a snow storm, helped me on my way to my Aunt's in Baltimore on major breaks, and even facilitated a college visit to Atlanta so I could make an educated decision. My parents may have been far away, but I had a lot of families who made sure I was cared for. So if I can do a fraction of that for a student throughout the course of the year, including on Parents Weekend, then I have succeeded in paying that care forward. And to those families who were there for me when my parents weren't able to be, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Election Talk with a 7 year old...

"Mommy, someone said that if you are born in Virginia you have to vote for Trump."

Well, there's a way to start a car ride. I picked my son up from aftercare and here's what he threw at me. The interesting thing is that my husband and I haven't been talking about the election with our son. That was not necessarily a conscious decision, it just so happened that he's asleep by the time my husband gets home at night and when the debates conclude. With that said, apparently my son is paying more attention than I thought (proud mommy). So back to our conversation....

"Well, sweetie. That is not true. Anyone who is an American citizen and who is 18 can vote for whomever they want, no matter where they were born. So have you all been talking about the election in school?"

"Yeah, some. I want Hilary Clinton to win."

"Why is that?"

"Well, Trump has said some not nice things. He said that women are not good for anything but housework."

(working mommy pause) "Well, I could see how that would stick out to you as you have a mother who works, but also because you know there are no household jobs that are mommy or daddy jobs. To be honest, your father does more of the cleaning (and is better at it). We both cook and we both take you to your various activities or events."

This conversation continued like this for a while as my son shared his curiosities about the election, when he can run for office, how many elections he's been around for, etc. It was really interesting to listen to him on this matter considering this was the first conversation we were having on the subject. It was also interesting his perspective of how the election was playing out along racial lines in his school. As a "multicolored" (his words, not mine) child and one of 5 or 6 students of color out of 30 in his class, he shared his impression that all his white classmates were voting for Trump. Now to be fair, I don't think he asked every single one of the 24-25 other students in his class who they were voting for. Since I am not one for generalizing and attributing the opinion of a few to a while group, I thought it was important for him to understand that just like people from Virginia can vote for whoever they want, the same is true for other groups. I explained to him that not all whites are voting for Trump, just like not all women are voting for Clinton and that people will decide who they want to vote for based on whose ideas, platforms, plans, and values are aligned with their own. While that may have been slightly over his head, I think what I see in the future (for local elections or for Presidential election 2020) is us spending time together looking at where candidates land on various issues and having my son make his own decision of who his candidate would be.

While I wasn't expecting an election focused car ride home (even though this is not the first time he's thrown me a deep conversation curve ball), I was definitely impressed by my son's interest in the subject, his questions, and even his consideration that perhaps he'll run for some office at some point in his life (student council, local government, or perhaps, even the Oval Office). The other lesson here is that even if you are not talking to your child about what's going on, someone is so never underestimate what they are aware of and influenced by.

What a Difference a Decade makes!

This past weekend my husband and I celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary. Anniversaries are a great time to reflect on where you've been, where you're going, and the adventures that life has taken you on. Within a month of getting married there was a move from Connecticut to Northern Virginia, a career change, an an attempt to sell our house during an awful housing market (we still have that house). I embraced being back "home" in the DMV and Wyatt tried to adapt to beltway traffic (that never happened). He moved from working at a network he grow up with to an unfamiliar network environment that grew him in new ways. I found a home in education which while I never saw it coming, I get the feeling that there are many others out there who were not surprised. 

Our ten years together also produced our little bundle of joy and of boundless energy. While I am not sure that I have forgiven Pierce for not sleeping through the night for a year (his time will come...like early calls from home every Sunday of his freshman year of college), he is definitely our heart. It has not been easy (as you know from earlier posts), but parenthood cannot be all figured out by a manual. It must be lived and experienced. It gets messy and you don't always get it right. It is definitely not a perfect as the well-behaved children and well-rested parents you see in photos online and on social media. Yet, regardless of the challenges and curve balls, the laughs and snuggles are the best. I admit that I may still need to exercise more parental patience, but there are some many times when I am in truly awe of his perceptiveness and curious mind. So in a decade I have grown as a person, as a parent and as an educator. Each role makes me better at the others. Funny how that works. 

Who know what's the next decade will hold for us. We both have some hopes, dreams and aspirations many of which are life focused, not just career focused. However, for now we will take it day by day while living in and enjoying the moment keeping them filled with lots of love, laughter, friendship, and strength (when needed).

It Doesn't Make It Hurt Less

This quote couldn't be more true. You just never know if you are saying the right thing, giving the right advice, or going to be able to protect them from all the challenges that will be thrown their way during their childhood journey. And when you feel that you've failed them, you hurt while they hurt.

Last week my son wanted to attend his school through 6th grade and this week he got mad about having to stay at his school. So what has happened to cause this change you ask? The teasing.

"Mommy, I'm mad because I have to go to my school for five more years."

"Sweetie, why does that make you mad?"

"I want to make new friends"

"Why?"

Pause...... "The third graders are picking on me and calling me a loser, dumb, and a baby."

What do you say to that? Well, we started by asking, "Well, what did you do when they said these things?"

"Well, I walked away."

"Did they stop?"

"No."

"Did you tell the teacher?"

"Yes."

"Did they stop after that?"

"For a little bit"

We tell them to walk away, ignore it, and seek help and yet it doesn't always make them stop and it doesn't always stop it from hurting. And my son is hurting right now. We know that teasing happens, but some teasing can be mean. Teasing can take a toll and impact confidence. School is hard enough without piling on the teasing. But how do you help your child deal with it and not be a target?  I want my son to confront this in a way that I couldn't when I was in middle school. I just took it, cried, and endured being excluded for the long two years at that school. My relief only came when it was time for my family to relocate to a new country for my mom's job. And why was I a target at that point? Well, doing well in school was just not cool. The thing is that through it all I knew I just had to bide my time until the next post. I knew I was a good person and that I wasn't going to dumb myself down or being any less than I was. Positive self-talk is not an easy thing during the tough times when all you want is to be accepted and included. However, I knew things were temporary and had more of a sense of myself at 11 years old than my son has right now at 7 years old. I had several years of school under my belt, he doesn't. He is still trying to figure things out, including where he fits in and why he makes the choices he makes. He wants to feel good in his educational space and I am not sure that that is happening any more. He is bright, creative, curious, and funny, but he is feeling like he does so much "wrong" and as a parent you hurt when you child hurts. So where does this leave us? I think we are going to have take another step in learning more about how he processes, makes decisions, and how his brain works because not knowing the whole story is not helping. I guess the old adage of "the more you know" comes into play here. The more we know, the more we (and his teachers) will be able to support him and help him understand himself. I have done a lot of reading and listened to related podcasts in the past couple of years and while I believe I know where the road is leading, along this journey I want to remember what child psychologist Ross Greene, PhD says which is "if kids could do well they would do well." As a dean and as a mom, it's a good thing to keep coming back to.