This quote couldn't be more true. You just never know if you are saying the right thing, giving the right advice, or going to be able to protect them from all the challenges that will be thrown their way during their childhood journey. And when you feel that you've failed them, you hurt while they hurt.
Last week my son wanted to attend his school through 6th grade and this week he got mad about having to stay at his school. So what has happened to cause this change you ask? The teasing.
"Mommy, I'm mad because I have to go to my school for five more years."
"Sweetie, why does that make you mad?"
"I want to make new friends"
"Why?"
Pause...... "The third graders are picking on me and calling me a loser, dumb, and a baby."
What do you say to that? Well, we started by asking, "Well, what did you do when they said these things?"
"Well, I walked away."
"Did they stop?"
"No."
"Did you tell the teacher?"
"Yes."
"Did they stop after that?"
"For a little bit"
We tell them to walk away, ignore it, and seek help and yet it doesn't always make them stop and it doesn't always stop it from hurting. And my son is hurting right now. We know that teasing happens, but some teasing can be mean. Teasing can take a toll and impact confidence. School is hard enough without piling on the teasing. But how do you help your child deal with it and not be a target? I want my son to confront this in a way that I couldn't when I was in middle school. I just took it, cried, and endured being excluded for the long two years at that school. My relief only came when it was time for my family to relocate to a new country for my mom's job. And why was I a target at that point? Well, doing well in school was just not cool. The thing is that through it all I knew I just had to bide my time until the next post. I knew I was a good person and that I wasn't going to dumb myself down or being any less than I was. Positive self-talk is not an easy thing during the tough times when all you want is to be accepted and included. However, I knew things were temporary and had more of a sense of myself at 11 years old than my son has right now at 7 years old. I had several years of school under my belt, he doesn't. He is still trying to figure things out, including where he fits in and why he makes the choices he makes. He wants to feel good in his educational space and I am not sure that that is happening any more. He is bright, creative, curious, and funny, but he is feeling like he does so much "wrong" and as a parent you hurt when you child hurts. So where does this leave us? I think we are going to have take another step in learning more about how he processes, makes decisions, and how his brain works because not knowing the whole story is not helping. I guess the old adage of "the more you know" comes into play here. The more we know, the more we (and his teachers) will be able to support him and help him understand himself. I have done a lot of reading and listened to related podcasts in the past couple of years and while I believe I know where the road is leading, along this journey I want to remember what child psychologist Ross Greene, PhD says which is "if kids could do well they would do well." As a dean and as a mom, it's a good thing to keep coming back to.
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