Excuse me? He did what? (a flashback to summer)

"I'm sorry did you say that my son peed in a trash basket?"

So not the call you expect to get after a long day of summer camp, but that is what the camp counselor on the other end of the phone was telling me. Yes, my sweet, active, curious, and, at times, impulsive son peed in the boys bathroom trash basket. We have started to get used to bracing for the event of the day or the week report, but this I did not expect. So, of course, when we speak to my son to ask him the dreaded unanswerable question of - "Why did you pee in the trash basket at camp?" - we get (after some shifting, stumbling, fumbling, and mumbling) the "I don't know". Ugh! Why do we keep holding out for the seven year old to give us more than that? Eventually, he got to a place where he told his that he had to really go potty. And once again for the record- he and his friend decided to pee in the basket. Please, do not miss the irony of the fact that they were in the bathroom with urinals and toilets. The truth is always somewhere in the middle and this middle says to me that he had to pee and someone (which could have been him) came up with this "funny" idea.
 

So this is just one piece in the bigger piece of trying to learn more about my son's learning and how he responds to things in the world. If I make it sound big, it's because it is and it has been a journey. You bear these children. You love them and hope for the best. Then you get thrown a curve ball. Moments. Incidents. How do you make sense of it all? Is it age? Is it the frontal lobe developing? Is it all of that and perhaps something more? You see it wasn't just the peeing in the basket. It was the fidgeting during circle time and the inability to deal when something doesn't go his way. It was the quick dash out of the classroom when he was frustrated (that he couldn't juggle 4 balls like the expert who has been doing it for years. yes, no one said they are always for logical reasons). It was all the buzz words - interrupting, impulsivity, low frustration tolerance, fidgeting, easily distracted, difficulty with transitions, etc. You start researching and listening to podcasts to figure out - how do I help and support my child. You do a lot of self talk of - he is kind, lovable, sweet and just being him. And then you get called into the principal's office for a meeting (another one) and the suggestion is put on the table - "We think you should have him assessed and evaluated. We have resources we can send you. Of course, ultimately it is your decision. We just want to be able to support him in the best ways we can."

So there you have it and here we are. Intellectually, and as an educator myself, I get it, but you still feel the weight of the world on your shoulders and in your heart when you are taking it all in. I have seen the signs and been doing the reading, but now what? How does this all work? How much does this all cost? What is it that he really needs? A neuropsych (the works)? A sensory evaluation (had to learn more about what that’s all about)? We are opting for the latter for now. No judgments and no labels. We are just trying to figure it out and learn more about what we could be doing at home, what he needs, and what can be done at school to support our spirited little man. And in the end, evaluations, testing, strategies, therapy may be where we start and sift through, but what he will always have from us, for sure, is our love and understanding that he is a heck of a kid (who peed in a basket in the boys bathroom at camp. Yup, haven't gotten over that yet). This parenting thing is not easy, but neither is being a kid, so I guess we're in this together for the long haul....and I wouldn't have it any other way (well, perhaps I could take one or two less "incident" reports).