Fighting through Imposter Syndrome on Career Day

So in this year of saying yes more often than I say no, I agreed to participate in this month's Greater Hartford Chapter of Jack & Jill, Inc.'s Black History Month Career Day. Participating meant being one of the Jack & Jill parents staffing a table and talking to the chapter children about my career. 

I will admit I was nervous about participating. Where was this nervousness coming from? It came from the fact that I questioned whether the children (who spend a lot of time in schools around educators) would be interested in hearing about my work as a dean. When you know that other career tables are being staffed by a psychiatrist (with mini model brains to giveaway), an engineer (with a cool experiment to show), a cardiologist, and sports broadcaster, you can see where why I was a bit nervous. 

What I will say is that my preparation for the career day forced me to be reflective and dig deep into my why and my what. I love my job and my students, so it really came down to sharing what, how, and why I do what I do. So in the end this is what I shared:

What

• Empower and encourage students
  
• Help students get involved in the school community and pursue their interests
  
• Ensure that students feel seen, heard, supported, and valued
• Help them develop leadership skills. 
• Help them learn to be accountable and responsible
• Help them learn and grow from their missteps
• Help them learn how to ask for help, use the resources, and make the most of their experience
• Be a champion for students

How 

• Meet with each of my students at the beginning of the year
  
• Attend their events (i.e. performances, athletics, presentations, etc.) and cheer them on 
  
• Send birthday cards and kudos email
  
• Listen and hear them out 
• Laugh with them
• Be intentional about character building conversations
• Real talk about life and legacies
• Be willing to have the more difficult, but necessary real world conversations

Why 

• To help students navigate the unpredictable waters of high school and get to graduation knowing more about who they are and what kind of impact they want to have in the world. 
  

While I can't really compete with the brain giveaways or engineering experiments, I know that it's educators who helped each of us at those tables get to where we are because they believed in us. I get to pay that forward and celebrate my students. So as a couple of children said after I shared my what, how, and why I do what I do, my job is pretty "cool."

My One Word for 2018 is ...

2017 was a year of ups, downs, and all-arounds. My days were filled with love, laughter, tears, and friendship. It wasn't a perfect year, but what year is and who really wants the unattainable perfect anyway? Fun, growth, and learning comes from imperfect moments and from our imperfect selves and I'm cool with that. 

In 2017, my one word was PATIENCE, a word I will continue to carry with me as I enter 2018. I kick off this new year with hope, positivity, gratitude, and my new one word: E•N•C•O•U•R•A•G•E.

In 2018, I will strive to ...

Encourage my students to strike a balance between always grinding it out to get to the next level and living in the moment while being their best selves. 

Encourage my son to continue to grow and to stay uniquely and unapologetically himself. 

Encourage my family and friends to go after their dreams and embrace the good in their lives. 

Encourage more listening and curiosity because there is so much we can learn from each other. 

Encourage positivity. 

Encourage love

Encourage truth. 

Encourage authenticity. 

Encourage passion. 

Be encouraged about the future and all the possibilities it holds. 

Encourage also contains the word courage and so I want to embrace that part of the word too. In 2018, may I have the ...

Courage to take risks

Courage to embrace new experiences and opportunities

Courage to create. 

Courage to be vulnerable. 

Courage to push myself to be better than I was yesterday. 

Courage to speak up for what's right. 

Courage to stand up for what I believe in and for others. 

Courage to say yes. 

Courage to get back up after knock downs, setbacks, and disappointments. 

Courage to do things that scare (not terrify) me and grow from those experiences. 

Courage to be unapologetically me. 

Happy 2018! Let's live it courageously!

And that's a wrap...2017 Highlights

As we close out the year, it's important to look back on how we lived our year. We should be asking ourselves, did we practice kindness every day? Were we present in our lives? Did we take risks? Did we step out of our comfort zones? Did we laugh and did we cry? Did we stand up for what we believe in? Did we speak up enough? Did we listen enough? Did we stay true to who we are? Did we strive to be better each day?

As I reflect on these questions of the past year, I also smile at some of my highlights and moments of living I did in 2017. Below are just a few of the more notable ones. 

• My son had his first foray into standing up for what you believe in as we attended the Women's March in Hartford. 
  
• I watched 7 out of 9 of the Best Picture nominees (this is the most I've seen pre-Oscars ever) 
  
• I presented for the first time at the NAIS Annual Conference as the culminating project for my Aspiring Heads Fellowship. My cohort group was very proud of presentation (as is evident by our group photo below).
  
• I was installed as a new mom into the Greater Hartford chapter of Jack and Jill of America. 
  
• We got away as a family and spent some time in Narragansett, RI. Nothing beats time at the beach. 
  
• After a gazillion superhero movies (and remakes), I finally got a Wonder Woman movie during my lifetime. 
  
• My husband and I took in lunch and a show in NYC as we finally saw Hamilton: The Musical on Broadway. 
  
• My son and I continued our activism by attending West Hartford's Walk in Solidarity with Charlottesville. 
  
• I finally made it to the Dominican Republic for the first time (despite having lived in Haiti for two years when I was younger) to celebrate my brother Vincent's nuptials. 
  
• As an avid Ted Talk fan, I finally attended my first Ted event - TedxHartford. It was pretty cool and perhaps one day I'll have the courage and inspiration to do one myself. 
  
• I turned 40 and stayed fabulous 😜

2017 was a pretty good year. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't perfect and there were some difficult moments, but I choose to embrace the positive. I look forward to seeing what 2018 has in store for me. Happy New Year!

Lessons from Cars 3: Driven To Win

Recently, I was traveling and needed a movie to help pass the time. So what does one do when they've seen all, but one of the movies offered inflight? Yup, you watch the one you haven't yet seen. In my case, that meant Cars 3 was the natural and only choice. Now, full disclosure, I did not have high hopes for the "threequel". However, I was pleasantly surprised. Not only did I enjoy the storyline, but I walked with lessons I can apply to my life as a mom and as a dean.

1. Sometimes you have to believe in someone even when they don't believe in themselves. Not every child or student can see their own potential. It is in those moments that you need to see it for them, believe in them more than they believe in themselves, and invest, encourage, and cheer them on.

2. Each person responds to different types of encouragement. So it's our job as mentors, leaders, or parents to pay attention and find out what motivates our students and our children. You have to look for those ways to connect and understand how to best encourage them so they can reach their full potential.

3. There are mentors and there are sponsors. Both add value. Mentors encourage, advise, coach, and cheer you on. Sponsors make a way for you; they can help get you into the race.

4. There is so much joy, happiness, and fulfillment in helping lift up those who come after you. Legacies are not just built on what you've done, but on what you've done for and inspired in others without wanting anything in return, but to see them succeed.


Courtesy: Disney Pixar

"Thanks"giving 2017

Each year I write a post inspired by a tradition from my high school, the Madeira School, where one morning a year, the microphone was open for anyone to stand before the school and give thanks for things big and small. We all know that no year is without some bumps, bruises, setbacks and some really hard stuff, but even with all that I believe we all have quite a bit to be thankful for this year. So this is my way of continuing this tradition of sharing thanks and appreciation. 

I am thankful for turning 40 and all the memories, laughter, love, friendship, and challenges that has come over the course of those years. I am thankful for my family and friends who love, support, and accept me for me. I am thankful for my son who is a daily reminder that parenting is a humbling job and that neither he nor I need to be perfect to be awesome. I am thankful for the good, joy, beauty, and wonder in my life. I am thankful for the learning I get from my mistakes, failures, successes, risks, and from stepping out of my comfort zone. I am thankful for my strength as it has carried me through some things and I'm still standing. I am thankful for my positivity because it's better than the alternative. I am thankful for my students, past and present, because they help me learn, grow, and challenge me to be a better dean, educator, and person every day. I am thankful for the little things like my DVR, podcast, favorite songs, cheesy predictable holiday movies, the beach, books, statement necklaces, English Breakfast Tea, pizza, Thai food, real mac 'n cheese, Maryland steamed crabs, French fries, cupcakes and so much more. I am thankful for favorite pastimes like volleyball, board and card games, reading, dancing, and traveling that fill my bucket. I am thankful that I get to share childhood loves like Voltron and four square with my son and for the times we spend watching movies and the Flash together. I am thankful for new friends and new communities. I am thankful for my partner in crime, in parenthood, and in life for supporting my whims, my quirks, and my dreams as we go through this crazy, bumpy, imperfect juggling act we love and call life. I am thankful for the journey I have taken to get where I am today and for the adventures that are yet to come. Happy Thanksgiving! 

Intentional Acts of Kindness

Each year I make an effort to celebrate all the international and national days and movements of kindness. While often we hear about random acts of kindness, are they really random acts? I must admit that there's nothing random about the acts I do. They're intentional and with a purpose. In the simplest terms, it's all about bringing a little joy into someone's life and letting them know that someone is thinking about them. It's also so fun and brings joy into my life.



As one can imagine, the start to the school year is very fast and furious often leaving me a bit harried and tired by term's end. So it's the little things that help along way. Something I love doing is putting together care packages for first year college students. Through my Facebook post, I invite any of my former students starting their first year in college to send me their address and a few items they'd appreciate in a care package. Anyone who wants one gets one. It's pretty simple.

Now, what's the why? It's fun and I like doing it. Also, full disclosure, I never received care packages in boarding school or college. I don't say that bitterly or in a "oh, woe is me" way. My parents were stationed overseas in West Africa during many of those years so it just wasn't possible. However, I always loved the idea of care packages.

This past Monday was World Kindness Day and while it's great to have a day where people can celebrate performing acts of kindness across the globe, I would challenge people to do is commit to celebrating kindness every day in big and small ways. It may be a care package one day and a smile the next. A simple gesture of kindness can change a person's day and positively impact yours, as well. Not sure where to start? Perhaps the below list can provide you with a little inspiration for your own year-round acts of kindness campaign.

My 40 for 40

               

Today I turn the big 4-0 and in honor of kicking off a new decade of life, I am going to shed some layers and share 40 random things about me.

1. My zodiac sign is Scorpio and I embrace it. (side note: I have no desire to endure the pain of a tattoo, but if I did I'd get a Scorpio tattoo)

2. I have 3 siblings (older brother, older sister, young brother)

3. I do not eat chocolate candy due to a Halloween back when I was 8 years old and ate so much that it made me sick.

4. I love the movie Anne of Green Gables.

5. I used to eat Tang and loved it.

6.  I won a elementary school dance competition when I was in kindergarten and chose an early Sugar Hill Gang album feat. Song Message II (Survival) as my prize.

7. I love doing (and solving) logic puzzles.

8. One of my childhood/teenage/early 20s dreams was to be a back up dancer for Janet Jackson.

9. A more realistic childhood dream is to become a published writer. One day.

10. I performed with a hip hop dance troupe that opened at the Oakdale in CT for platinum recording artist Brian McKnight.

11. I won a sports Emmy for our team's live turnaround of the Winter X Games.

12. I may have tried to give away my younger brother on more than one occasion.

13. Every holiday season I watch all the Hallmark movies new releases. #holidayspirit

14. I enjoy podcast for the personal and professional development opportunities they provide me.

15. I've lived in four different countries when I was growing up - US, Nigeria, Haiti, and Niger. All awesome and all influenced me!

16. Each year I try to read at least as many books as the age I'm turning.

17. I'm obsessed with the sport of volleyball. I love to play and watch it.

18. In 8th grade, I made the decision to be writer George Eliot (aka Mary Anne Evans) for Halloween. #totalfail

19. I'm a snob when it comes to certain foods, such as homemade Mac 'n cheese, Maryland steamed crabs, and air popped popcorn.

20. I have a book problem. I own a lot of books I have yet to read and ,yet, I'll still buy more when I learn about one that peaks my interests.

21. I love surprises - giving them and getting them.

22. Statement necklaces are the best. They can be just the pop of color or style I need to complete an outfit.

23. I'm a proud UVA alum. WaHooWa!

24. I used to try to repurpose parts of cards into new cards for resale when I was a kid. Not the most profitable, but I enjoyed using my receipt book.

25. I use to rock this gray suit when I was a kid and it made me feel like such a little bad-ass mini professional.

26. I collect postcards from places my friends, students, or I have been.

27. I love watching TV and put my DVR to good use.

28. Time at the beach is one of my self-care practices.

29. I miss recess. Four square and wall ball at AIS Lagos were the best.

30. Momcations are non-negotiable annual trips in my life.

31. Items on my bucket list: learn to swim, learn sign language, learn to play an instrument and read music.

32. Fictional female heroes include Nancy Drew and Wonder Woman.

33. I keep hoping the end of Little Women will change and Jo will end up with the boy next door.

34. My son is such much or a mini me it's uncanny (and exhausting).

35. I've never had coffee in my life; this energy is au natural. English Breakfast Tea is my fav go to and helps me start my day. #teaislife

36. I love quotes and have been collecting them since high school.

37. Giving gifts is the best. I love trying to figure out the right gift that really fits a person and who they are.

38. When I got married didn't want to give up my middle or maiden name because I am proud of my Nigerian heritage and they are a part of who I am. So I just added my husband's name and have two middle initials.

39. I would love to be a Make A Wish volunteer and wish granter one day.

40. I am looking forward to the adventures and surprises my 40th year has in store for me.