Letting go

Rarely do I really pay much attention to Oprah Magazine's "The Question", but there was something about one from a recent issue that I read while sitting under the dryer at the hair salon.

Pow! A question that really makes you think. After taking in some of responses readers gave, I turned the mirror on myself. How would I answer this question. Full disclosure, it's been a little over a month since I've read the question. After reflecting on the twists, turns, highs and lows of my life, it finally came to me. 

I had to let go of the path I was on in order to find my purpose.

Eleven years ago this weekend, my life changed. I got married and I signed on the dotted line of a contract that ended up changing my career trajectory. 

For a good portion of my high school and college years I pursued journalism, in particular broadcast journalism. I wrote for the school newspapers, took journalism classes, was a radio DJ one summer, and held internships at a public access TV station in Arlington, CNN, Voice of America, and WINA in Charlottesville. So I was all in and it paid off and was psyched that I landed a job at ESPN following college. I appreciate the seven years of experiences I had there. I grew as a person, as a professional, and got to do some pretty cool things. However, there was a point during my journey when I knew I was looking for something more, something different. It may have been the fact that I volunteering at a children's museum, taking a hip hop dance class, taking a photography class, and side hustling as a wedding planner that tipped me off. 

So when my fiancé took a job at another network in the D.C. area I decided to explore what else I could do career-wise and that's how I found myself back at my former boarding school as a Major Gifts Officer. Once again, I found myself challenged (in good ways) and growing from a novice into a capable fundraiser. After two years of fundraising, our centennial campaign came to a close and I found that my ability to build relationships with students and faculty along the way had been noticed by the Dean of Students who asked me to join her office. So that's what I did I and that's when it really clicked ... I enjoy working with, supporting, and cheering on high school students. Who knew? 

A move from sports TV associate producer to Dean of Students may not make sense to many, but what I can say is that I discovered what I was looking for, found my purpose, and realized that what I was missing before was being in a career where I knew the work I was doing had meaning, purpose, and impact. I was constantly learning and reading about pedagogy, learning differences, student supports, leadership, and more. I also found that all my past personal and professional experiences influenced my style of deaning, leadership, and helped me connect with such a cross-section of students. 

Letting go of my plan, changing course, and experiencing a life outside of work that allowed me to cultivate my interests changed my life. I found my home and purpose in education and haven't looked back. 

We Need to Keep Talking

Tonight I attended the "Unfiltered Conversation on Race" hosted by the Harriet Beecher Stowe Center in Hartford Connecticut and facilitated by Troy Brown and Ellen Boyton. There are so many words that describe how I felt about being there. I'm thankful I came across this event and made the time to go. I'm appreciative of all those in the room for showing up, speaking their truths, being vulnerable, and having the courage to share. Talking about race is not simple or easy, but it is important. We have to be able to talk about the tough stuff (including all the -isms and the marginalization of different groups) even if we stumble and fumble through it. Tonight was an example of that. It wasn't clean. There were ouch moments. There were experiences shared that were hard to hear or that were so different than another's reality. However, we went there anyway. We were fully present and engaged. We listened, we asked questions, we let things sink in, and did not invalidate or dismiss it just because we didn't understand it or hadn't personally experienced it. I am grateful I was in the room to listen and to share. I am always wanting of more conversation and for more people in the room. So if you're already talking about race, keep having those conversations. If you're not, take the first step. Be willing to go there, to engage, to reflect, and to own your stuff, including one's privilege. We need to keep talking (about so many things). Silence does not move anyone or any country forward.

Summer Session: It's Showtime!

The summer is about recharging and getting ready for the year ahead. This year my summer recharge included getting a cultural fix. A couple weeks ago I finally got to see Hamilton on Broadway. (Yay, hubby on a spot onChristmas gift!). It was awesome and as one of my students told me "it is as good as everyone says it is." However, I still had to wonder if that was true. You know how it is. So many things get hyped up that by the time you get around to seeing or experiencing it you feel let down when you find it to be "just alright". I am glad to say that did not happen this time around and even my husband who is not really into the theater thought the show was phenomenal.

Now, I've had the privilege is seeing a few musicals over the course of my life, including Phantom of the Opera, Les Miserables, Miss Saigon, Lion King, Rent, and Aida. I must say I feel like I've chosen wisely. However, walking away from Hamilton left me thinking about just how much work must have been put into a show of that magnitude. Sometimes deeper reflection and appreciation comes with age. The research, story creation, song writing, choreography, set design, costume design, and on top of all of that you have the amazing people on stage and behind the scenes that pull it off. 

I also got to thinking about the journeys of the cast and crew. Being a part of a Tony Award-winning Broadway musical must be a dream come true and the pay off of years of hard work (and rejection). We often hear sports quotes when it comes to success coming from failing or not even trying. I'm sure you know these two quotes:

"You'll miss 100% of the shots you don't take." - Wayne Gretzky

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." - Michael Jordan 

The sentiments can definitely be applied to those in the arts as well. The paths those actors before me took was not easy. There were auditions they didn't pursue and roles they didn't get. We often hear about the small percentage of athletes who make it into the pros. The same can be said for the stage. Just how many elementary, high school or college thespians get to do what they love professionally on the big stage? What does is take to not get discouraged along the way? How do you know if you have what it takes? Could any Broadway actor even have imagined they could go from playing Toto in The Wizard of Oz to one day performing on Broadway? It takes commitment, perseverance, risk taking and resilience to stay the course and not give up. And let me tell you, I am so glad Hamilton's cast and crew invested in their dreams the way they did because this former Mrs. Rabbit from the Shepherd Park Elementary School kindergarten production of "The Tale of Peter Rabbit" thoroughly enjoyed her Sunday matinee.

Summer Session: Listen and Learning Walks

I find it hard to completely shut it down when the school year ends. My mind has never been wired that way. Don't get me wrong, I make sure to carve out "me time" and some of that "me time" comes in the form of personal and professional development. One of the ways I recharge over the summer while still remaining intellectually stimulated is by listening to podcasts while I walk. 

My listen & learn walks are something I put into practice about three years ago. I am not one for walking on the treadmill in the gym, if I can avoid it. So it helps that I'm lucky enough to live on a beautiful boarding school campus with a loop road I can traverse daily. On a typical summer day I will complete four to six loops around campus while listening to to one of the many podcasts I've subscribed to. My podcasts subscriptions typically fall into a few categories:

leadership • parenthood • ADHD/executive functioning • writing/writers • race (including mixed race/interracial experiences, conversations with successful people of color) • education • women • self-care • conversations with people who've embraced life, followed their dreams, overcome adversity, embarked on a changes of course, own being unapologetically themselves, and/or taken a leap of faith 

I walk my way to takeaways I can apply to my life, my career and to parenting. My takeaways may come in the form of a book recommendation, an classroom activity I can incorporate into a lesson plan, a way to approach a tricky conversation or diffuse a situation, a parenting technique, lessons learned from another's journey, or just more food for thought.

While listening to podcast on my walks started as an alternative to listening to music (sometimes you get tired of your own playlists), I feel like it's now an important part of my personal growth and professional development and well-being. Some fresh air, exercise, and mental stimulation goes a long way in doing a body good.

Summer Session: Celebrating Independence Day

In the past, I haven't done much for the 4th of July. When I was younger it was a backyard BBQ, Maryland steamed crabs, and sparklers (which is delicious and fun). Outside of the one time I celebrated the 4th of July on the National Mall with friends, for most of my adult life the holiday has mainly been a day off without much fanfare and with a desire to avoid massive in an attempt to see fireworks. So when an opportunity to change it up this year arose, I jumped at it. 

This year I celebrated the nation's independence by serving others at Hands on Hartford's 4th of July Community Meal. Hands on Hartford is a nonprofit organization that "serves Hartford's neediest residents in the areas of food, housing, and economic security." One of their programs is the Community Meals programs through which they provide lunch and dinner on specific days during the week and holidays meals on 12 holidays of the year, with the July 4th being one of those holiday meal days. Today we had the privilege of welcoming, serving (restaurant style), and celebrating with Hartford residents. Today was about community.

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Choosing to volunteer on the holiday gave me a chance to give back, serve others, and experience the 4th of July as more than grillin' and fireworks. It also gave me time to think about what the day means to so many people in a country with such a complicated history. While the United States gained its Independence on July 4, 1776, my ancestors did not. [Just to clarify, I am referencing my African-American ancestors as opposed to my Nigerian ancestors or the other family of the slave owner who started my mom's family line through his slave.] It was only until the more recent history that African-Americans gained the full rights to which a citizen was entitled. So on this day, I honor America's Independence Day as I am proud American and I honor those who serve our country and protect our freedoms (which includes both my brothers). Today, I also reflect on the history of this country as it cannot be rewritten and for as far as we have come, there is always more work to do on behalf of all citizens. While I did not go into today thinking beyond my decision to volunteer, I would say that spending this national holiday in service to others and in reflection was a pretty good way to spend it. Happy Indepemdence Day!

Summer Session: Refilling My Bucket

The school year can take a lot out of an educator. You put a lot of energy and heart into the year and into your students. There are highs, lows, and everything in between, which makes the summer the perfect time to renew, recharge, and refresh. In other words, the summer is when one must commit to refilling their bucket. While it is hard to step completely away from the school life when you want to have some time to reflect on the year that has passed and plan for the year ahead, carving out family time and me-time is equally as important. I mean, if you are not taking care of yourself how do you expect to be there for your students or colleagues. Put on your oxygen mask first.

For me, my refilling bucket takes many forms over the summer (which I will talk about in future blog posts). However, there are always two things I always make sure to include - time at the beach and lots of reading. There is just something about the beach that I love. Perhaps it's the soothing nature of the crashes waves, the blue skies, and warm sun. I love solo time at the beach where I can sit with my thoughts, write or read. I also enjoy family time at the beach and get a real kick out of seeing my son play in the water. We were blessed to be able to get away earlier this summer as a family for a few days to enjoy Narragansett, RI. It did the heart, body, and soul good.

During the school year, there are times when I can be hit or miss with my book goal, but summer gives me the chance to get back on track. So there are currently 3 piles of books crowding my bedside, which include my school summer reading book, some YA fiction, world fiction, leadership books, student leadership books and, of course, a few executive functioning reads. It's safe to say that I have a book problem and it's a good problem to have. If you're interested I listed the books in my piles below. Happy reading!

What's Currently In My Book Piles?

The Alchemist by Paulo Cohelo

Exit West by Mohsin Hamid

Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan 

Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek

The Success GPA by Mawi Asgedom

Positively Resilient by Doug Hensch

Choose to Matter by Julie Foudy

Reading with Patrick by Michelle Kuo

When Dimple Met Rishi by Sandhya Menon

Four Weeks, Five People by Jennifer Yu

Smart but Scattered by Peg Dawson, EdD, and Richard Guare, PhD

Self Reg by Dr. Stuart Shanker 

Dear Ijeawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions by Chimamanda Adichie

We Can't Talk About That At Work! How to Talk about Race, Religion, Politics, and Other Polarizing Topics by Mary-Frances Winters