My One Word for 2018 is ...

2017 was a year of ups, downs, and all-arounds. My days were filled with love, laughter, tears, and friendship. It wasn't a perfect year, but what year is and who really wants the unattainable perfect anyway? Fun, growth, and learning comes from imperfect moments and from our imperfect selves and I'm cool with that. 

In 2017, my one word was PATIENCE, a word I will continue to carry with me as I enter 2018. I kick off this new year with hope, positivity, gratitude, and my new one word: E•N•C•O•U•R•A•G•E.

In 2018, I will strive to ...

Encourage my students to strike a balance between always grinding it out to get to the next level and living in the moment while being their best selves. 

Encourage my son to continue to grow and to stay uniquely and unapologetically himself. 

Encourage my family and friends to go after their dreams and embrace the good in their lives. 

Encourage more listening and curiosity because there is so much we can learn from each other. 

Encourage positivity. 

Encourage love

Encourage truth. 

Encourage authenticity. 

Encourage passion. 

Be encouraged about the future and all the possibilities it holds. 

Encourage also contains the word courage and so I want to embrace that part of the word too. In 2018, may I have the ...

Courage to take risks

Courage to embrace new experiences and opportunities

Courage to create. 

Courage to be vulnerable. 

Courage to push myself to be better than I was yesterday. 

Courage to speak up for what's right. 

Courage to stand up for what I believe in and for others. 

Courage to say yes. 

Courage to get back up after knock downs, setbacks, and disappointments. 

Courage to do things that scare (not terrify) me and grow from those experiences. 

Courage to be unapologetically me. 

Happy 2018! Let's live it courageously!

And that's a wrap...2017 Highlights

As we close out the year, it's important to look back on how we lived our year. We should be asking ourselves, did we practice kindness every day? Were we present in our lives? Did we take risks? Did we step out of our comfort zones? Did we laugh and did we cry? Did we stand up for what we believe in? Did we speak up enough? Did we listen enough? Did we stay true to who we are? Did we strive to be better each day?

As I reflect on these questions of the past year, I also smile at some of my highlights and moments of living I did in 2017. Below are just a few of the more notable ones. 

• My son had his first foray into standing up for what you believe in as we attended the Women's March in Hartford. 
  
• I watched 7 out of 9 of the Best Picture nominees (this is the most I've seen pre-Oscars ever) 
  
• I presented for the first time at the NAIS Annual Conference as the culminating project for my Aspiring Heads Fellowship. My cohort group was very proud of presentation (as is evident by our group photo below).
  
• I was installed as a new mom into the Greater Hartford chapter of Jack and Jill of America. 
  
• We got away as a family and spent some time in Narragansett, RI. Nothing beats time at the beach. 
  
• After a gazillion superhero movies (and remakes), I finally got a Wonder Woman movie during my lifetime. 
  
• My husband and I took in lunch and a show in NYC as we finally saw Hamilton: The Musical on Broadway. 
  
• My son and I continued our activism by attending West Hartford's Walk in Solidarity with Charlottesville. 
  
• I finally made it to the Dominican Republic for the first time (despite having lived in Haiti for two years when I was younger) to celebrate my brother Vincent's nuptials. 
  
• As an avid Ted Talk fan, I finally attended my first Ted event - TedxHartford. It was pretty cool and perhaps one day I'll have the courage and inspiration to do one myself. 
  
• I turned 40 and stayed fabulous 😜

2017 was a pretty good year. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't perfect and there were some difficult moments, but I choose to embrace the positive. I look forward to seeing what 2018 has in store for me. Happy New Year!

Lessons from Cars 3: Driven To Win

Recently, I was traveling and needed a movie to help pass the time. So what does one do when they've seen all, but one of the movies offered inflight? Yup, you watch the one you haven't yet seen. In my case, that meant Cars 3 was the natural and only choice. Now, full disclosure, I did not have high hopes for the "threequel". However, I was pleasantly surprised. Not only did I enjoy the storyline, but I walked with lessons I can apply to my life as a mom and as a dean.

1. Sometimes you have to believe in someone even when they don't believe in themselves. Not every child or student can see their own potential. It is in those moments that you need to see it for them, believe in them more than they believe in themselves, and invest, encourage, and cheer them on.

2. Each person responds to different types of encouragement. So it's our job as mentors, leaders, or parents to pay attention and find out what motivates our students and our children. You have to look for those ways to connect and understand how to best encourage them so they can reach their full potential.

3. There are mentors and there are sponsors. Both add value. Mentors encourage, advise, coach, and cheer you on. Sponsors make a way for you; they can help get you into the race.

4. There is so much joy, happiness, and fulfillment in helping lift up those who come after you. Legacies are not just built on what you've done, but on what you've done for and inspired in others without wanting anything in return, but to see them succeed.


Courtesy: Disney Pixar

"Thanks"giving 2017

Each year I write a post inspired by a tradition from my high school, the Madeira School, where one morning a year, the microphone was open for anyone to stand before the school and give thanks for things big and small. We all know that no year is without some bumps, bruises, setbacks and some really hard stuff, but even with all that I believe we all have quite a bit to be thankful for this year. So this is my way of continuing this tradition of sharing thanks and appreciation. 

I am thankful for turning 40 and all the memories, laughter, love, friendship, and challenges that has come over the course of those years. I am thankful for my family and friends who love, support, and accept me for me. I am thankful for my son who is a daily reminder that parenting is a humbling job and that neither he nor I need to be perfect to be awesome. I am thankful for the good, joy, beauty, and wonder in my life. I am thankful for the learning I get from my mistakes, failures, successes, risks, and from stepping out of my comfort zone. I am thankful for my strength as it has carried me through some things and I'm still standing. I am thankful for my positivity because it's better than the alternative. I am thankful for my students, past and present, because they help me learn, grow, and challenge me to be a better dean, educator, and person every day. I am thankful for the little things like my DVR, podcast, favorite songs, cheesy predictable holiday movies, the beach, books, statement necklaces, English Breakfast Tea, pizza, Thai food, real mac 'n cheese, Maryland steamed crabs, French fries, cupcakes and so much more. I am thankful for favorite pastimes like volleyball, board and card games, reading, dancing, and traveling that fill my bucket. I am thankful that I get to share childhood loves like Voltron and four square with my son and for the times we spend watching movies and the Flash together. I am thankful for new friends and new communities. I am thankful for my partner in crime, in parenthood, and in life for supporting my whims, my quirks, and my dreams as we go through this crazy, bumpy, imperfect juggling act we love and call life. I am thankful for the journey I have taken to get where I am today and for the adventures that are yet to come. Happy Thanksgiving! 

Intentional Acts of Kindness

Each year I make an effort to celebrate all the international and national days and movements of kindness. While often we hear about random acts of kindness, are they really random acts? I must admit that there's nothing random about the acts I do. They're intentional and with a purpose. In the simplest terms, it's all about bringing a little joy into someone's life and letting them know that someone is thinking about them. It's also so fun and brings joy into my life.



As one can imagine, the start to the school year is very fast and furious often leaving me a bit harried and tired by term's end. So it's the little things that help along way. Something I love doing is putting together care packages for first year college students. Through my Facebook post, I invite any of my former students starting their first year in college to send me their address and a few items they'd appreciate in a care package. Anyone who wants one gets one. It's pretty simple.

Now, what's the why? It's fun and I like doing it. Also, full disclosure, I never received care packages in boarding school or college. I don't say that bitterly or in a "oh, woe is me" way. My parents were stationed overseas in West Africa during many of those years so it just wasn't possible. However, I always loved the idea of care packages.

This past Monday was World Kindness Day and while it's great to have a day where people can celebrate performing acts of kindness across the globe, I would challenge people to do is commit to celebrating kindness every day in big and small ways. It may be a care package one day and a smile the next. A simple gesture of kindness can change a person's day and positively impact yours, as well. Not sure where to start? Perhaps the below list can provide you with a little inspiration for your own year-round acts of kindness campaign.

My 40 for 40

               

Today I turn the big 4-0 and in honor of kicking off a new decade of life, I am going to shed some layers and share 40 random things about me.

1. My zodiac sign is Scorpio and I embrace it. (side note: I have no desire to endure the pain of a tattoo, but if I did I'd get a Scorpio tattoo)

2. I have 3 siblings (older brother, older sister, young brother)

3. I do not eat chocolate candy due to a Halloween back when I was 8 years old and ate so much that it made me sick.

4. I love the movie Anne of Green Gables.

5. I used to eat Tang and loved it.

6.  I won a elementary school dance competition when I was in kindergarten and chose an early Sugar Hill Gang album feat. Song Message II (Survival) as my prize.

7. I love doing (and solving) logic puzzles.

8. One of my childhood/teenage/early 20s dreams was to be a back up dancer for Janet Jackson.

9. A more realistic childhood dream is to become a published writer. One day.

10. I performed with a hip hop dance troupe that opened at the Oakdale in CT for platinum recording artist Brian McKnight.

11. I won a sports Emmy for our team's live turnaround of the Winter X Games.

12. I may have tried to give away my younger brother on more than one occasion.

13. Every holiday season I watch all the Hallmark movies new releases. #holidayspirit

14. I enjoy podcast for the personal and professional development opportunities they provide me.

15. I've lived in four different countries when I was growing up - US, Nigeria, Haiti, and Niger. All awesome and all influenced me!

16. Each year I try to read at least as many books as the age I'm turning.

17. I'm obsessed with the sport of volleyball. I love to play and watch it.

18. In 8th grade, I made the decision to be writer George Eliot (aka Mary Anne Evans) for Halloween. #totalfail

19. I'm a snob when it comes to certain foods, such as homemade Mac 'n cheese, Maryland steamed crabs, and air popped popcorn.

20. I have a book problem. I own a lot of books I have yet to read and ,yet, I'll still buy more when I learn about one that peaks my interests.

21. I love surprises - giving them and getting them.

22. Statement necklaces are the best. They can be just the pop of color or style I need to complete an outfit.

23. I'm a proud UVA alum. WaHooWa!

24. I used to try to repurpose parts of cards into new cards for resale when I was a kid. Not the most profitable, but I enjoyed using my receipt book.

25. I use to rock this gray suit when I was a kid and it made me feel like such a little bad-ass mini professional.

26. I collect postcards from places my friends, students, or I have been.

27. I love watching TV and put my DVR to good use.

28. Time at the beach is one of my self-care practices.

29. I miss recess. Four square and wall ball at AIS Lagos were the best.

30. Momcations are non-negotiable annual trips in my life.

31. Items on my bucket list: learn to swim, learn sign language, learn to play an instrument and read music.

32. Fictional female heroes include Nancy Drew and Wonder Woman.

33. I keep hoping the end of Little Women will change and Jo will end up with the boy next door.

34. My son is such much or a mini me it's uncanny (and exhausting).

35. I've never had coffee in my life; this energy is au natural. English Breakfast Tea is my fav go to and helps me start my day. #teaislife

36. I love quotes and have been collecting them since high school.

37. Giving gifts is the best. I love trying to figure out the right gift that really fits a person and who they are.

38. When I got married didn't want to give up my middle or maiden name because I am proud of my Nigerian heritage and they are a part of who I am. So I just added my husband's name and have two middle initials.

39. I would love to be a Make A Wish volunteer and wish granter one day.

40. I am looking forward to the adventures and surprises my 40th year has in store for me.

                   

NANOWRIMO - 12th time's the charm?

Here we are again on the eve of my twelfth NANOWRIMO. Will this be the year I hit the 50k word count mark and write the great all-American novel? Most likely not. Don't get me wrong, it would be great to accomplish what others have, but it's not why I keep coming back after eleven failed attempts. Perhaps, I'm a glutton for punishment or perhaps I want to see if I can best my previous attempts. 

Last week my son applied for a job at school. Now, he's a third grader so the job will have the appropriate amount of responsibility that is for the elementary school aspiring student leaders. Now, there were nine other kids in my son's class who also applied for the job in addition to kids from the other elementary grades. According to my son, only a few students from each class would be "hired". Armed with this information, my son took a job application and filled it out that day. Needless to say he was very excited about getting a shot at this job opportunity. To the application question asking why he was interested in the job he wrote "he wanted to meet new people, make new friends, and help the community." A very thoughtful response in my book. However, I did chat with my son about there being a possibility that with the amount of students applying he may not get the job, but that should not keep him from applying for other things in the future. I shared with him that his dad and I have not always gotten all the jobs we've applied for and actually when we moved back to Connecticut his dad had to apply three times to work at the company he at which he had previously worked before he finally got the job. After hearing that, my son asked a very important question which was "why do you keep trying after having failed so many times?" (Great question!) I told him that I use failure as a motivator instead of as a deterrent; I don't let it discourage me. I use those moments to fuel me as I seek to better myself, and acquire what I need to be a stronger candidate the next time. I told him if he really wants an opportunity then he'll just have to keep going after it. 

So that is what I do each November. I sign up to write a novel in thirty days. By their 50k word count standards I fail each year, but I choose to see it differently. I choose to define my success by writing more than I did last year and/or writing each day. If I do either or both of these things, it's a win and if by some crazy coincidence I also hit 50k (and write a bestselling novel), well, that's just an added bonus. Tomorrow I start NANOWRIMO again and I'll keep you posted on my success. 

Best Way To Spend A School Day

So as a Dean of Students, one can imagine that a portion of my job involves holding students accountable and discipline. However, that is a part of the job, but it's not the whole job. A large portion of my job is supporting and getting to know my students. So that's what I've doing. 

We are about halfway through the fall term and I have spending my days the best way I know how, chatting with students. These thirty minute conversations allow my student and I to get to know each other. I ask them about anything from their favorite types of music and tv shows to how a friend or sibling would describe them to me to what's in their high school bucket list to how can I best support them as their Dean this year. I always get slightly amused when they struggle with a question and say it's hard to which I reply "this can't be any harder than Calc BC or US History. Giggles aside, what may make the questions harder than their academic questions is that the answers must come from within and not from a book, teacher, or internet search. The conversation is not meant to be made of quick fire responses, but actually allows for them to not only answer the question, but they also end up sharing stories too. Some stories may be funny and some give me a glimpse into a hurdle or challenge they've endured.

After having them answer all my questions, it's only fair to give them an opportunity to ask me a question (or two) and the only criteria is that it be appropriate (that's a given) and not about my job as a Dean. Hands done the most posed question was what do I do for fun when I'm not being a dean.

With 187 juniors in my class this year, it is no easy task to carve out 30 minutes to meet, but you make time for what's important. I can't think of a better way to spend the first half of my term than getting to know the students I'll be supporting over the next two years. And on top of just talking, we laughed and understood them just a little be better than I did before. Priceless. We are all more than the information in a file, a score on a test, the story being told through the grapevine.

A Momcation is a Must!

When I was pregnant I entered into a momtract with my husband. Now, there was no document signed nor a binding handshake, but trust me when I say that we both know my annual momcation was a non-negotiable.

2010 AVP Tournament - Virginia Beach

 

So what is this curious momcation you ask? It is, as I have described to inquiring minds over the years, a vacation for where I leave my husband and son at home and my only responsibility is to myself. In short, it is the essential timeout. Now some may think - "how could you leave your child" or "you're being so selfish". Well, actually it is the best thing I can do for my family. My momcations gives me something to look forward to and allows me to recharge. There are always times in the year when things start building up and I'm a little more cranky and a little patient (we've all been there). That is what the Momcation combats and it gives me something to look forward to which in itself helps. My son was born in 2009 and I went on my first momcation the following year. Full disclosure, my first momcation couldn't have come at a better time. I was working full-time with a 15 month-old child who just starting sleeping through the night and I had just started my Masters program on top of it all. So, I would say a solo vacation was definitely necessary.

Montreal w/ longtime friend, Sarah in 2011

When considering where I will go for my momcation I consider places I've never been to or experiences on my bucket list. If I can combine it with seeing a good friend then that's an awesome bonus and keeping it budget-friendly is key. So where have my travels taken me...

2010 AVP Beach Volleyball Tournament in Virginia Beach
2011 Montreal, QC
2012 no-cation :(
2013 The Spa at Norwich Inn
2014 Narragansett, RI
2015 Washington DC for my 20th High School Reunion
2016 Hong Kong
2017 Dominican Republic/Brother's Wedding

And because I know you are wondering what happens when I don't go on a momcation. Well, that year I had to suspend the momcation due to us moving from Virginia to Connecticut and changing jobs, I got pneumonia which was just a not-so-friendly reminder of how important my momcation and self-care is to my health. At the heart of the momcation, is taking time for me to regroup, relax, and rejuvenate. If you want to call it a selfish act, you can, but it is also a selfless act. We all need to be a little selfish from time to time. We give so much of ourselves, our time, and more to others in our lives and do not always make ourselves a priority. My momcations are about making me a priority. So how can a momcation be both selfish and selfish? Well, like I said before when I come back from my vacation I am just plain better for not only myself, but also for my family, my friends, and my students.

Hong Kong w/ longtime friend Erika in 2016

 

So what do I have planned for Momcation 2018 in the year following me hitting the big 4-0? Well, that's yet to be determined. Perhaps a cooking vacation, a writing retreat, the Food and Wine Festival in Vegas, or.....you'll just have to wait and see. In the meantime, I recommend you start planning your own momcation. Trust me, your health (and your family) will thank you.

Relaxin' in Punta Cana, DR in 2017

Processing...

Dear Pierce ... (following the recent events in Charlottesville)

As I told you this morning, some awful things took place in Charlottesville, the home of my alma mater, this weekend. People came to spread hate and that is not okay. We have to stand up to hate. As a person of color, your life will be riddled with these moments so you will mostly not be surprised when something like this happens and you won't utter words such as "I just can't believe this still happens in this day and age". You are still early in your life, but I know you see the world around you. You are developing your own sense of self and are picking up on things about our country, its people, and its history along the way. As your mom, I must always tell you the truth. This is not to discourage you, but to make sure you are not blindsided on your journey through life. 

You are biracial and are all the best parts of me and your father, but some people will judge you because of your blackness. Don't let people underestimate you. Don't let people tell you that you're not good enough, that you can't achieve greatness, or that you are inferior because they can't see past your skin color. Their minds are small. Don't let small minded people make you cynical or worse. Live and lead with love and optimism. Help and educate those who are open and don't know better, and the others ... well, you decide if they are worth your energy, time, and goodness.

You will get tired of being asked to be a spokesperson for black people or for biracial people. You will get tired of the race based questions because you may be the first person of color they've met or befriended. You will get tired of the head swivel in class when topics of race, slavery, Africa, or the civil rights movement come up. Just take a deep breath and try to be patient. Remember and embrace the fact that you come from amazing people. You come from a long line of strong, smart, resilient people. We have and will always be fighters and survivors. Your grandmother was a civil rights activist who integrated her middle school, desegregated the movie theater across from her alma mater Morgan State University, was a member of SNCC and served in the State Department starting in the 1960s when there were not a lot of people who looked like her. Your grandfather left Nigeria during the Biafra War to pursue his education in the United States. There were many times when he did not know if his family was still alive, but he pushed on so he could be in a better position to help them. He faced prejudice and racism at his colleges, but he persisted because that is what we do. 

People still try to stereotype me and put me in a box. They try to tell me who I am or who I should be based on the color of my skin. They assume things about me and about my life. They let the media's depictions of black people and the narrative about black women inform their assumptions about me without taking the time to learn my story and see my heart. Some people like to say that they don't see color, but I know they do because I have felt it, been judged by it, and have had people treat me in ways based on my race. If they don't see color, then they are ignoring our history, pain, persecution, fight, drive, persistence, strength, and amazingness. Yes, we are amazing. No matter how many times we get knocked down, we get back up because we have to. Always remember that no matter how hard it may get or feel, there is so much good in the world and in people. There will always be light within the darkness and love must always be louder than hate. Don't let the magnitude of state of things make you feel helpless. There is always something that can be done. Use your voice and always be about something. Stand up for what you believe in and never play small. Change can be made one person at a time, one act at a time. I love you. You are amazing. You are enough. You are destined for great things. Always go after your dreams. Always embrace and love who you are. Stay strong. 

Love,

Mom

Letting go

Rarely do I really pay much attention to Oprah Magazine's "The Question", but there was something about one from a recent issue that I read while sitting under the dryer at the hair salon.

Pow! A question that really makes you think. After taking in some of responses readers gave, I turned the mirror on myself. How would I answer this question. Full disclosure, it's been a little over a month since I've read the question. After reflecting on the twists, turns, highs and lows of my life, it finally came to me. 

I had to let go of the path I was on in order to find my purpose.

Eleven years ago this weekend, my life changed. I got married and I signed on the dotted line of a contract that ended up changing my career trajectory. 

For a good portion of my high school and college years I pursued journalism, in particular broadcast journalism. I wrote for the school newspapers, took journalism classes, was a radio DJ one summer, and held internships at a public access TV station in Arlington, CNN, Voice of America, and WINA in Charlottesville. So I was all in and it paid off and was psyched that I landed a job at ESPN following college. I appreciate the seven years of experiences I had there. I grew as a person, as a professional, and got to do some pretty cool things. However, there was a point during my journey when I knew I was looking for something more, something different. It may have been the fact that I volunteering at a children's museum, taking a hip hop dance class, taking a photography class, and side hustling as a wedding planner that tipped me off. 

So when my fiancé took a job at another network in the D.C. area I decided to explore what else I could do career-wise and that's how I found myself back at my former boarding school as a Major Gifts Officer. Once again, I found myself challenged (in good ways) and growing from a novice into a capable fundraiser. After two years of fundraising, our centennial campaign came to a close and I found that my ability to build relationships with students and faculty along the way had been noticed by the Dean of Students who asked me to join her office. So that's what I did I and that's when it really clicked ... I enjoy working with, supporting, and cheering on high school students. Who knew? 

A move from sports TV associate producer to Dean of Students may not make sense to many, but what I can say is that I discovered what I was looking for, found my purpose, and realized that what I was missing before was being in a career where I knew the work I was doing had meaning, purpose, and impact. I was constantly learning and reading about pedagogy, learning differences, student supports, leadership, and more. I also found that all my past personal and professional experiences influenced my style of deaning, leadership, and helped me connect with such a cross-section of students. 

Letting go of my plan, changing course, and experiencing a life outside of work that allowed me to cultivate my interests changed my life. I found my home and purpose in education and haven't looked back. 

We Need to Keep Talking

Tonight I attended the "Unfiltered Conversation on Race" hosted by the Harriet Beecher Stowe Center in Hartford Connecticut and facilitated by Troy Brown and Ellen Boyton. There are so many words that describe how I felt about being there. I'm thankful I came across this event and made the time to go. I'm appreciative of all those in the room for showing up, speaking their truths, being vulnerable, and having the courage to share. Talking about race is not simple or easy, but it is important. We have to be able to talk about the tough stuff (including all the -isms and the marginalization of different groups) even if we stumble and fumble through it. Tonight was an example of that. It wasn't clean. There were ouch moments. There were experiences shared that were hard to hear or that were so different than another's reality. However, we went there anyway. We were fully present and engaged. We listened, we asked questions, we let things sink in, and did not invalidate or dismiss it just because we didn't understand it or hadn't personally experienced it. I am grateful I was in the room to listen and to share. I am always wanting of more conversation and for more people in the room. So if you're already talking about race, keep having those conversations. If you're not, take the first step. Be willing to go there, to engage, to reflect, and to own your stuff, including one's privilege. We need to keep talking (about so many things). Silence does not move anyone or any country forward.

Summer Session: It's Showtime!

The summer is about recharging and getting ready for the year ahead. This year my summer recharge included getting a cultural fix. A couple weeks ago I finally got to see Hamilton on Broadway. (Yay, hubby on a spot onChristmas gift!). It was awesome and as one of my students told me "it is as good as everyone says it is." However, I still had to wonder if that was true. You know how it is. So many things get hyped up that by the time you get around to seeing or experiencing it you feel let down when you find it to be "just alright". I am glad to say that did not happen this time around and even my husband who is not really into the theater thought the show was phenomenal.

Now, I've had the privilege is seeing a few musicals over the course of my life, including Phantom of the Opera, Les Miserables, Miss Saigon, Lion King, Rent, and Aida. I must say I feel like I've chosen wisely. However, walking away from Hamilton left me thinking about just how much work must have been put into a show of that magnitude. Sometimes deeper reflection and appreciation comes with age. The research, story creation, song writing, choreography, set design, costume design, and on top of all of that you have the amazing people on stage and behind the scenes that pull it off. 

I also got to thinking about the journeys of the cast and crew. Being a part of a Tony Award-winning Broadway musical must be a dream come true and the pay off of years of hard work (and rejection). We often hear sports quotes when it comes to success coming from failing or not even trying. I'm sure you know these two quotes:

"You'll miss 100% of the shots you don't take." - Wayne Gretzky

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." - Michael Jordan 

The sentiments can definitely be applied to those in the arts as well. The paths those actors before me took was not easy. There were auditions they didn't pursue and roles they didn't get. We often hear about the small percentage of athletes who make it into the pros. The same can be said for the stage. Just how many elementary, high school or college thespians get to do what they love professionally on the big stage? What does is take to not get discouraged along the way? How do you know if you have what it takes? Could any Broadway actor even have imagined they could go from playing Toto in The Wizard of Oz to one day performing on Broadway? It takes commitment, perseverance, risk taking and resilience to stay the course and not give up. And let me tell you, I am so glad Hamilton's cast and crew invested in their dreams the way they did because this former Mrs. Rabbit from the Shepherd Park Elementary School kindergarten production of "The Tale of Peter Rabbit" thoroughly enjoyed her Sunday matinee.

Summer Session: Listen and Learning Walks

I find it hard to completely shut it down when the school year ends. My mind has never been wired that way. Don't get me wrong, I make sure to carve out "me time" and some of that "me time" comes in the form of personal and professional development. One of the ways I recharge over the summer while still remaining intellectually stimulated is by listening to podcasts while I walk. 

My listen & learn walks are something I put into practice about three years ago. I am not one for walking on the treadmill in the gym, if I can avoid it. So it helps that I'm lucky enough to live on a beautiful boarding school campus with a loop road I can traverse daily. On a typical summer day I will complete four to six loops around campus while listening to to one of the many podcasts I've subscribed to. My podcasts subscriptions typically fall into a few categories:

leadership • parenthood • ADHD/executive functioning • writing/writers • race (including mixed race/interracial experiences, conversations with successful people of color) • education • women • self-care • conversations with people who've embraced life, followed their dreams, overcome adversity, embarked on a changes of course, own being unapologetically themselves, and/or taken a leap of faith 

I walk my way to takeaways I can apply to my life, my career and to parenting. My takeaways may come in the form of a book recommendation, an classroom activity I can incorporate into a lesson plan, a way to approach a tricky conversation or diffuse a situation, a parenting technique, lessons learned from another's journey, or just more food for thought.

While listening to podcast on my walks started as an alternative to listening to music (sometimes you get tired of your own playlists), I feel like it's now an important part of my personal growth and professional development and well-being. Some fresh air, exercise, and mental stimulation goes a long way in doing a body good.

Summer Session: Celebrating Independence Day

In the past, I haven't done much for the 4th of July. When I was younger it was a backyard BBQ, Maryland steamed crabs, and sparklers (which is delicious and fun). Outside of the one time I celebrated the 4th of July on the National Mall with friends, for most of my adult life the holiday has mainly been a day off without much fanfare and with a desire to avoid massive in an attempt to see fireworks. So when an opportunity to change it up this year arose, I jumped at it. 

This year I celebrated the nation's independence by serving others at Hands on Hartford's 4th of July Community Meal. Hands on Hartford is a nonprofit organization that "serves Hartford's neediest residents in the areas of food, housing, and economic security." One of their programs is the Community Meals programs through which they provide lunch and dinner on specific days during the week and holidays meals on 12 holidays of the year, with the July 4th being one of those holiday meal days. Today we had the privilege of welcoming, serving (restaurant style), and celebrating with Hartford residents. Today was about community.

Edit

Choosing to volunteer on the holiday gave me a chance to give back, serve others, and experience the 4th of July as more than grillin' and fireworks. It also gave me time to think about what the day means to so many people in a country with such a complicated history. While the United States gained its Independence on July 4, 1776, my ancestors did not. [Just to clarify, I am referencing my African-American ancestors as opposed to my Nigerian ancestors or the other family of the slave owner who started my mom's family line through his slave.] It was only until the more recent history that African-Americans gained the full rights to which a citizen was entitled. So on this day, I honor America's Independence Day as I am proud American and I honor those who serve our country and protect our freedoms (which includes both my brothers). Today, I also reflect on the history of this country as it cannot be rewritten and for as far as we have come, there is always more work to do on behalf of all citizens. While I did not go into today thinking beyond my decision to volunteer, I would say that spending this national holiday in service to others and in reflection was a pretty good way to spend it. Happy Indepemdence Day!

Summer Session: Refilling My Bucket

The school year can take a lot out of an educator. You put a lot of energy and heart into the year and into your students. There are highs, lows, and everything in between, which makes the summer the perfect time to renew, recharge, and refresh. In other words, the summer is when one must commit to refilling their bucket. While it is hard to step completely away from the school life when you want to have some time to reflect on the year that has passed and plan for the year ahead, carving out family time and me-time is equally as important. I mean, if you are not taking care of yourself how do you expect to be there for your students or colleagues. Put on your oxygen mask first.

For me, my refilling bucket takes many forms over the summer (which I will talk about in future blog posts). However, there are always two things I always make sure to include - time at the beach and lots of reading. There is just something about the beach that I love. Perhaps it's the soothing nature of the crashes waves, the blue skies, and warm sun. I love solo time at the beach where I can sit with my thoughts, write or read. I also enjoy family time at the beach and get a real kick out of seeing my son play in the water. We were blessed to be able to get away earlier this summer as a family for a few days to enjoy Narragansett, RI. It did the heart, body, and soul good.

During the school year, there are times when I can be hit or miss with my book goal, but summer gives me the chance to get back on track. So there are currently 3 piles of books crowding my bedside, which include my school summer reading book, some YA fiction, world fiction, leadership books, student leadership books and, of course, a few executive functioning reads. It's safe to say that I have a book problem and it's a good problem to have. If you're interested I listed the books in my piles below. Happy reading!

What's Currently In My Book Piles?

The Alchemist by Paulo Cohelo

Exit West by Mohsin Hamid

Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan 

Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek

The Success GPA by Mawi Asgedom

Positively Resilient by Doug Hensch

Choose to Matter by Julie Foudy

Reading with Patrick by Michelle Kuo

When Dimple Met Rishi by Sandhya Menon

Four Weeks, Five People by Jennifer Yu

Smart but Scattered by Peg Dawson, EdD, and Richard Guare, PhD

Self Reg by Dr. Stuart Shanker 

Dear Ijeawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions by Chimamanda Adichie

We Can't Talk About That At Work! How to Talk about Race, Religion, Politics, and Other Polarizing Topics by Mary-Frances Winters

Captain Underpants to the Rescue

Recently, my son has had several instances where his impulsivity and overall 8 year old was has gotten the best of him while leading to poor decision making. Needless to say we've had a lot of conversations this week about behavior. So his recent poor decision came in the form of his spelling a curse word (which I later found out he had learned from another kid) out loud in front of peers; it was only a matter of time, right? So after a stern talking to, I took a breath to figure out what to do next. It was there in the calm of my room that I saw Bryan Smith's book What Were You Thinking: A Story about Learning to Control Your Impulses. Perfect and timely. I invited my son in to read the book to me. Afterwards, we discussed the steps they write about in the book to take to help a the main character think before saying or doing some things. My son understood the steps and we applied them to past situations to see how using those steps could have been helpful. The time seemed right to transition into a conversation with my son about how his brain works and about his ADHD, which we learned from a recent school evaluation. 

Over the past couple of years, I've been on this intellectual (as an educator) and emotional (as a parent) journey of trying to understand the why and what underlying some of my son's behavior. I've read a lot of articles, books, and listened to several podcast that focus on twice-gifted, differently wired kids and neurodiversity. The time was now to jump in to this conversation with him. I'm talking and he's nodding. I reference his creativity, curiosity, and activeness. I talk with him about famous successful people whose minds work overtime like his. More nodding. Then I ask him if he's heard of ADHD. He perks up and says "Yes, mom. I read about it in Captain Underpants Book 12 because George and Harold have ADHD. I can show you where." And there it was. The books that I had confiscated earlier this week because he just could not help but sneak read them after lights out at bedtime, are the same books that have given my son some context to understand himself a little more. Ironic. Despite my son thinking that ADHD means he'll write comics like George and Harold, he does feel more connected to them, their author Dav Pilkey, (who also has ADHD) and Percy Jackson now because he now sees a little of himself in them. The power of books. Thank you, Captain Underpants! 

Loving Day - June 12, 2017

Today we celebrate the 50th Anniversary of of the Loving v. Virginia decision that overturned state laws banning interracial marriage. Today is affectionately known as "Loving Day". It's hard to imagine that two people loving each other for just being themselves was ever illegal, but then again we do have the history of this country that led to such laws. The overturning of this anti-miscegenation allows my husband and I to be a family. We are allowed to love across racial lines. However, our journey was not easy. There were naysayers in our lives and disapproving looks along the way. People holding on to outdated ideas and beliefs. So we pushed back and did not let them dampen our spirits, push us down, or rip us apart. We just kept believing, fighting, and loving.

Our union ...

 produced and blessed us with this amazing and wackadoodle kid ...

 and completed our beautiful family.

 

So thank you to Richard and Mildred Loving for fighting the good, but difficult fight for what is right and against injustice. 

Summer Plan 2017

So I could out a detailed list of what I hope and plan to do this summer now that the school year has wrapped up, but really it all tends to fall under four thematic headers ...

Keep it simple.

Slow it down. 

Do me, for me.

No over-scheduling allowed.

So that's my plan and I'm sticking to it.

Happy Summer All!

 



And just like that, they're gone....

Opening Dance - September 2016

Every year graduation comes around and every year we have to say goodbye to another class of students. It's always bittersweet. You can't help but see the stories that made up their journey to graduation day as they walk across the stage to accept their diplomas. Going in you have no idea what the time together will bring - laughter, tears, tough love moments, pep talks, and more. The journey with each student is different and you never really know if what you're doing is working. You question your effectiveness. You sigh and shake your head with frustration many times. You laugh with them about random and ridiculous life moments or musings. You cry with them during the tough times or poor decisions. You try to lift them up and to get them to believe in themselves. Sometimes you feel like you really messed it up, didn't do enough, or missed a moment that could have made all the difference. You tried too hard to protect them from themselves and other times you felt like you didn't try hard enough. You pushed them to be better versions of themselves. You watched them grow, learn, work, play, struggle and persevere. You gave them all your energy, insight and heart. You refused to give up. You cared for them almost like they're your own and then you returned them to their parents to continue their journey elsewhere. Next stop college. You hope they'll stay in touch and let you know how they're doing. Some will and some won't. You hope that you were helpful to them in some way and had a positive impact on their experience, but you'll never really know. You hope they're ready to take on the world, pursue their dreams, take good risks, and help others. You hope they'll carry their lessons learned forward as they continue to forge their own paths in the storybook of their life. When it's all said and done, what you know for sure is what you learned from them, how they challenged you to be better, and how they impacted your life. And just like that, they're gone and the journey begins with anew with the next class of students. So thank you Class of 2017, until our paths cross again. And to the Class of 2019, our journey together starts this fall; See you then!.

Graduation Day - May 2017



A Note to My Seniors at the 1 Month Mark to Graduation

Dear Class of 2017,

Today marks a month to graduation (and the excitement, nervousness, and nostalgia that goes with that). This time will fly and is jammed packed, as you know. So in addition to meeting all of your obligations (hint, hint), make time for quality friend time and to just take it all in. There's no slowing down this sprint to the finish line now, so enjoy every day. Share lots of wonderful simple moments with each other. Also, make the time to say thank you to your friends for being there for you through thick and thin. Make time to say thank you to those faculty members that have impacted your life in little and great ways during your time on the Island. Make time to say thank you to your families for being there, for the gift of Loomis, for cheering you on, and for loving you (in all your "youness") when you needed it most. 

I know you are feeling that itch to move on and that just means you're getting ready to say goodbye and to start a new chapter in your life. You can be ready and you can be sad to go. The two do not have to be mutually exclusive. Do whatever you have left to do here, so you have no regrets. May these last 30 days be filled with lots of laughter, friendship, and memory making. I wish you all a fabulous final month on the Island.

All the best,

Dean Sasser

#NAISAC2017 Takeaways: Bringing Your Passion into Work

Can you be a better leader if you bring your work and your life together? The answer is a resounding YES! In his NAIS Annual Conference workshop entitled Leadership Lessons from the Seat of My Bicycle, George Swain of NYSAIS shared the lessons he learned from being an endurance rider and how he weaves his love of riding into his work life and into his leadership style.

In broad strokes, the leadership lessons George learned: Set high goals * Pace Yourself * Sweat the small stuff * Solve problems by not trying to solve them * Delegate * Pursue your passion

However, it's the last goal of "Pursue your Passion" that I want to focus on here.
George asked us to reflect on 3 simple questions:
* What is the thing in your life that you currently do, that's not work?
* What did you used to do that you no longer do, but miss?
* What do you wish to do, that you've put off?"

"If not now, when? We are our biggest enemy. Interrupt the narrative."

In the pair-share I met an educator who'd always wanted to learn to play the guitar. Despite the presentation, she still couldn't seem to see a way to make this happen and talked about how she had kids and just no time, maybe later in life. Needless to say our other partner and I couldn't let that be how she walked out of that room. I shared with her how I have a couple of colleagues, with children, who have learned to play an instrument at this point in their life and made time in the mornings to practice their art prior to going off to teach for the day. With some storytelling and some strong encouragement from us, she seemed a little more willing to consider that she shouldn't put off pursuing this interest any longer. Of course, it is also important for me to turn the mirror on myself and ask, what do I wish to do that I've put off due to a plethora of excuses..... finding time to play volleyball again, learning sign language, learning how to swim, learning to play an instrument (I'd even start with learning to read music), take another dance class (it's been about a decade since the last one).

In the end, George reminded us that you do not have to put your passions on hold just because the job of being an educator is, at times, all consuming. You just need to find a way to bring your whole authentic self into your job, make time for those things in your life that make you you and find ways to bring you passions to work. A good reminder for us all.

#NAISAC2017 Takeaways: Creating a Failure-Friendly Environment for Students

Friday of the NAIS annual conference was a good day to see another one of my colleagues in action. So I enjoyed learning from my Loomis Chaffee dean colleague Mike Donegan as he presented Failure 2.0: Creating a Failure Friendly Environment. Before I get into the heart of my takeaways, can I just say Mike had a full house (standing room only) and did a great job of engaging the audience. By the size of the audience, one could see that this topic is something that many educators are looking to tackle in all our schools. How do we help students "fail" and stopping seeing failure as the end of their worlds, but more of an opportunity? Now don't get me wrong, no one wants that "F" on a test, but creating "failure-friendly" environments is not just about supporting students through a bad grade, but it's also about creating an environment where students are willing to put themselves out there and take some risks even while knowing that it may not go their way (or be perfect). They may not get that position they applied for. Their voice may shake all throughout their entire chapel talk. They may not get that A, B or even C on that may test, but what can they learn in that moment about their preparation, their mastery, or about work more closely with their teachers that could help them be a better student in the long run. The thing is that there is something to be learned from each of these situations that a student would miss out on if they always play it safe because being wrong or vulnerable or not being elected/selected feels worse. So a few nuggets I walked away with were ....

Redefine Failure
It's important for us as educators to help students redefine, reframe what is. Failure can be a risk taken, lesson learned, and perhaps a message in the mess.

Redefine Resilience
Mike went on to show that redefining failure is not enough, but it's important to also define or expand on the definition of resilience, a word we hear a lot about in our schools.

 

Use a Failure Checklist

Have students reflect on a failure by asking themselves four questions.

1. What can I learn from this?
2. How could I have done things differently?
3. Where do I go from here?
4. What does this make possible?
(Richardson, J.W. The Failure Checklist (MS Word document). Retrieved from http://www.personasuccesstoday.com/the -failure-checklist)

Create a Failure Resume 

Have faculty share their failure stories or like Professor Haushofer, create a Failure Resume to share with students (example: http://bit.ly/1TaFEN4). We can also ask students to create their own failure resume where they also include what they learned from that. Students can also benefit from hearing their parents failure stories. After Mike's presentation, one head of school spoke about how this one evening he shared his personal and professionals with his daughter and how much more his daughter took away from that conversation than she had from knowing all of his successes.

"E" Them
One other approach Mike encouraged educators to consider when creating a "failure-friendly" environment for students, is to "E" them. Encourage. Endow. Empower. Enable. Embolden.



#NAISAC2017 Takeaways: Lead with Outrage

So one of the wonderful things about participating in the NAIS Aspiring Heads Fellowship is meeting other amazing educational leaders and cheering them on. The finale of our NAIS Aspiring Heads Fellowship year involved each mentee group presenting their action research project at the annual conference. While we were in Baltimore I wanted to make sure that in addition to delivering our presentation, that I made it to some of the other fellows' workshops. One of the workshops I had a chance to attended was: Why aren't we outraged? Using Moral Leadership to Achieve NAIS Equity & Justice Best practices. They grounded their presentation in literature, including Thomas Serbgiovanni's work, and research and left me wanting to learn (and read) more.

As someone unfamiliar with Sergiovanni's work, I was definitely intrigued by how he framed moral leadership and how my colleagues connected with the work we do in schools. With in Sergiovanni's work he talked about leading with outrage and that concept struck me. First, it struck me because when you hear the word outrage you think anger and that really has no place in a school setting. However, when you dig deeper you see that it is not about being angry, it's about having your emotions move you to action because something just isn't right and because something important is not being tended to. I love that! We talk about students bystanderism and say to them "see something, say something." So should we really lead any differently? I would say no and that leading with outrage encourages us to operate the same way. If we see something that isn't right, could be better, or is one of those "we've just always done it this way", but shouldn't continue to then it's time to lead with outrage and remember that as Sergiovanni (1992) said "nobody has a special license to protect the standard." So really, we can't afford not to lead with outrage, for the students sake. They always deserve the best of what we have to offer and, therefore, leading with outrage is really the least we can do in all of our schools.

*Brandt, R. (1992). On Rethinking Leadership: A Conversation with Tom Sergiovanni. Educational Leadership, 49 (5), 46-49.

#NAISAC2017 Takeaways: Getting Strategic about Cultural Compentency Leadership

Almost two weeks ago, I was in Baltimore at the 2017 NAIS Annual Conference. The thing about large scale conferences is that you attend all of these sessions, take tons of notes, eat up all this inspiration, and then return to your school not knowing where to start or what to do with all of that inspiration that now lives in a notebook in your desk. With that said, I decided to take some time to think about what were those things, those takeaways that really resonated with me. What did I hear that I can apply to my work to positively impact my school, my students, and my own professional (and personal) growth. So instead of doing a large scale information dump, I have broken up my takeaways into a five part blog post series so I can hone in on 5 sessions from which I walked away with a nugget or two that really spoke to me. So here we go.....

On Day 1, I started my day at 8:00am with Ronnie Codrington-Cazeau and Robert Greene who were presenting "You Can't Get Strategic, Unless You Get Strategic: Cultural Competency Leadership in Practice". Ronnie is the Head of School at the Evergreen School (WA) and, full-disclosure, she was also my mentor during my 2016-17 year in the NAIS Aspiring Heads Fellowship. Robert Greene is a diversity practitioner and consultant with Jones Consulting (CA). Ronnie hired Robert as a consultant to work with her and her senior leadership team at Evergreen, and the presentation took the audience through some of the work they did together, lessons learned, and progress made. So while I found the entire presentation so useful and applicable, my goal of this post is not to recap everything they took us through. I just want to share 3 things said during the presentation that continue to resonate with me two weeks later.

1. One of the key cornerstones to advancing a school's accessibility, diversity, and inclusion efforts is that they need to "identify and reduce internal and external obstacles to promoting, maintaining and supporting a climate of inclusivity for students, faculty and families." This is critical. Schools work so hard in to creating cultural programming, talking about bias, stereotype threat, and privilege (hopefully), commit to being an inclusive community, aim to have a diverse student and faculty body, and yet, if time is not spent one this key element then we'll keep spinning our wheels. Tackling this means being willing to take a good hard look in the mirror and acknowledge what may really be standing in the way of a school having a truly inclusive school climate and community.

2. A part of the work with the senior leadership team focused on culturally competent communication. Robert and Ronnie shared the 13 Skills for Cultural Competent Communication and while I had encountered some of the skills (or a version of a skill) on previous community norm lists, it was the skills listed first and last that really stuck with me.

** "Greet others genuinely and make an effort to pronounce their name accurately"
    This skill stuck out to me as something I make an effort to have in my daily practice. Some of it comes from my name sensitivity that stems from having grown up with a maiden name that often got butchered. I also grew up overseas and so part of the education of that experience was learning to pronounce people's name correctly and to not short change a name for my own personal ease. So seeing this skill in right was a first for me and yet, I can not say enough how important this is in a school community.

** "Celebrate Successes and Have Fun"
     I loved seeing this skill and was surprised at how its absence from list had never stood out to me before. Equity and Inclusion work can be hard, personal draining, rewarding, impactful, and forever ongoing. Through all that work, there does not seem to be enough moments where we celebrate our successes and embrace the fun. Simply put, we need to do this more.

3. "If you don't have a diverse pool of candidates, then you are not looking hard enough."
   Schools have a variety of methods when it comes to hiring that may include using particular search firms focused on this area, reaching out to affinity groups and organizations, connecting with nontraditional teaching candidates (i.e. career changes), etc. So there is tons that can be done to positively impact a school's results in this area and yet, some will still default to the reasons why they believe they cannot attract a diverse pool of candidates and hires. It definitely begs the questions - are schools really looking hard enough and are schools really stepping up their efforts and exhausting all the ways in which they build their candidate pools?

Reminder to self...

So my blog has been a little slow-going. Imposter syndrome at play. There is this narrative going on in my head that whatever I write and post must be important, profound, and useful for others. However, when this is the narrative, I am letting the "others" (whoever they may be) define what is deemed important, profound, and useful. I am acting off some perfectionistic definition of important. This narrative stops my ideas and much of my writing from moving forward. So I am interrupting the narrative. I am going to write that blog post, article, and story that I feel needs to be written and needs to be told as defined by me. If a post resonates with just one person, then that's a win.

#OneWorld2017

So while I may be a little late to the #oneword challenge, but I say better late than never. As we approach the new year there is tons of talk about New Years resolutions. However, I don't necessary embark on official resolution setting activities, but I do create my list of things that I will do, want to do or want to strive for in the upcoming year. So on my ever-growing list is going to see Hamilton on Broadway (tickets were a birthday gift from the hubby), go to Dominican Republic (been on the bucket list since I lived in Haiti and it just so happens that my older brother is getting married there later this year), read 40 books from around the world in honor of my 40th birthday later this year (the book goal is an annual thing), etc. Of course, I plan to keep trying my hand (and making slow progress) at the knitting thing and the yoga thing.

So resolution and goals aside, I recently came across the #oneword challenge and it got me thinking- If I were to chose one word to guide my life in the upcoming year, what would that word be. Of course, there are a gazillion words out there and I peruse the twitter feed to see what others had chosen. People had chosen words such as - joy, perseverance, gratitude, focus, inspire, balance, brave, kindness, purpose, and more. I can definitely see me chasing some of the these words in future years, but as I read others a word kept popping up in my head and I just couldn't ignore it anymore. So for 2017, I chose PATIENCE as my #oneword.

PATIENCE with myself
I will not always get it right and I will make mistakes, but being tough on oneself is just not helpful. Sometimes I just need to cut myself a break. I need to see the message in the mess and count my blessings every day. Patience is necessary in order for me to ... To observe and to really see. To listen and to really hear. To learn and grow from the mistakes. To wait for answers, to wait for creativity, and to wait for whatever is next.

PATIENCE with my family
Perfection is unattainable and should never be the expectation. There will be moments where patience is tried and it will be important to take a breath.

PATIENCE with my students
They each have their own story, which does not always reveal itself at the beginning. They are on their own journeys of growth and self-discovery and that does not happen overnight. While it will not be without some bumps and stumbles, it will be full of high-five and fist bump worthy moments.

PATIENCE with strangers
Just breathe, teach, and reach.

PATIENCE with the time it takes for things and for change to happen

Push when necessary. Wait. Watch. Slow it down. Slow down. Take time. Make time. Just breathe.